May 09, 2008 08:39 pm
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By John T. McDonald
Globe guest columnist
Have you noticed the crafty way most politicians talk? I almost used the word “sly,” but changed my mind. Not only during prime-time oratories, but in semi-private conversations while on the campaign trail, most hone a well-developed platitudinous patter of generous generalities which are imparted with the zeal of a Moses in mid-mission. I am surprised no columnist has lampooned the lard being laid upon us mere mortals.
Politicians can say almost anything yet expect their passion to stir us to choose enough delegates to nominate them at their party’s convention later this year.
Some of the “political speak” can sound as vacuous as this:
“Let’s not have any talk of a re-session in this land of plenty. My fellow ’mericans, we gotta restore this country to the pinnacle of great power invested in that pyramid which our forefathers saw fit to adorn the Treasury Department’s one dollar bill. The all-seeing eye symbol floating above it means somethin’, doesn’t it?! It means it is worth one whole dollar! Not 31 cents. One ‘whole’ dollar. I’ll tell you something. Those immigrants sneakin’ across our borders have figured it out. Yessir. Yes, ma’am. They know the value of a dollar.”
“Something else. On the same side of that dollar bill it says, ‘In God we trust.’ It does not say ‘All others must pay cash.’ (chuckle) but that is what is implied by the tiny print on the opposite side of the one dollar bill. The tiny print says, ‘This bill is legal tender for all debts public and private.’ It doesn’t mean ya can redeem it fer gold. It means we pay hard cash for all our soft wants and wishes no matter what our tender sensibilities are ! We’ve got rights. We’ve got responsibilities. And we’ve got the gumption to earn our way here. All we need is a little help in getting the banks off our backs on a few exorbitant home mortgages; get those airliners flyin’ so’s those stranded passengers can reach their destinations; fix them roads and bridges so’s they’re safe enough; lower those high gasoline costs at the fuel pump; get the prices of corn and milk back in line; get those Iraqis to pay their fair share of a war that’s gone on longer than World War II . . .”
“You need it; I need it; we all need it. And, I’m here to see we keep it together: — a solidly valued dollar no matter what world markets say. Also, we need a really representative hierarchy. We sure could use more equally equivocal, eviscerated exuberance in the halls of our gov’ment in Washington!”
Though painted with large brush strokes from a skewed dictionary, the desired effect is: “I’m really passionate about this, nominate me, please!”
John T. McDonald lives in Joplin.
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