Voices: Holes in our heads

June 28, 2009 08:11 pm

— This is partially in response to the letter “Holes in the ozone” (Globe, June 26). My goodness, there are so many things that need to be done to reduce the effects of global warming.
I had never considered the implications of space exploration as a cause of warming. Now I am worried about the tilt in the Earth’s axis. Maybe we could move half of the launch pads at Cape Canaveral to China such that one launch’s push could be a second launch’s shove. We then stay on an even keel, Earth-wise.
Bovine burps are obviously a problem. While more messy, so is bovine flatulence. Perhaps gastric surgery for all cows to channel digestive gases out of a tube in the stomach and intestines leading to an external balloon would work. We would know when to empty the balloons when cows start to fly.
Proponents of Chaos Theory hypothesize that a single mosquito might cause a hurricane. Well, how about mosquito flatulence and burping. There are trillions of those little blood suckers around. Think what eradication of those pests could do for global warming as well as malaria and yellow fever.
We, of course, should quickly move to solar panels on every roof and a windmill in every yard to produce more green energy. Maybe we should develop hermetically sealed toilet seats venting to an external house-mounted balloon to collect human odors. Combining cow and house gases and using them for fuels would also certainly qualify as domestically produced energy.
Until recently I did not fully appreciate the use of alfalfa grass as a warming deterrent. Maybe we should eliminate all beans from our diet. If it’s good for cows, it must be good for us.
Just think of all the things we can do with our diet, burps and whatever else we excrete. And for sure we don’t need all the computer technology, understanding our origins, expanding human knowledge and all the other things space exploration has provided. We indeed must turn inward to mitigate this global disaster encroaching upon us.
Anson Burlingame
Joplin