Please be careful out there on Christmas Eve. There are three things that could stop you and the reindeer from making it to every home on your list.
Wind turbines, drones and the National Security Administration are a jolly fat man’s worst enemies. I mean, if the White House isn’t willing to protect the eagles from wind turbines, it won’t waste anytime on a guy like you who isn’t pumping any money into the economy. (Your elves do work for free don’t they, Santa)?
Watch out for drones. I don’t think you are a target, but you don’t want a nasty collision on Christmas Eve.
It probably comes as no surprise to you, Santa, that you are being watched. Your phone conversations have been tapped and it’s likely that all the letters to the North Pole have been screened. With your talent at knowing who’s naughty and who’s nice, I’m sure the NSA would love to coerce you into sharing all your secrets with them. Resist, Santa, resist. No good could come from SantaLeaks or from the world knowing that I may or may not be routinely jaywalking when I walk out to the Globe parking lot.
Some of my readers have been quite cranky the past few days. How do I know? Oh, they have me on speed dial. I’m not sure if it’s because of recent information about the widening earnings gap that is making everyone feel a little poorer, or if they are just worried about the Target credit card security breach. Heck, maybe they are testy because they really think “Duck Dynasty” is in A&E’s crosshairs. Whatever’s going on, could you toss some extra Christmas cheer down their chimneys. I hear your special brand of eggnog puts smiles on a lot of faces.
Heather Grills probably didn’t put this request on her list, but the owner of Phoenix Fired Art has a great idea and I’m asking you to get behind it. Grills wants a billboard out on Interstate 44 that would direct those would-be art owners to Joplin where they now can find no end of locally made treasures. Give Heather a call, Santa. She might even have something Mrs. Claus would like for her North Pole dining room table.
I’ve been told that Wally Kennedy, the reporter behind the Globe’s Watching Range Line and Watching Main Street columns could use some new tires. Or, at least he told me Friday that he had been burning rubber traveling up and down those two traffic corridors in search of news for his column. Check his tread, Santa.
Last year Joplin needed more homes for residents still waiting to get back into a home after losing theirs in the 2011 tornado.
This year, I’m asking that you deposit a load of shovels on the appropriate doorstep. What we do with them will be seen in 2014. Let’s hope we get to use them to turn dirt on a few of the projects we’ve been reporting on in this newspaper.
A special request, Santa. During my Sunday visits to my mother at St. Luke’s Nursing Home, I’ve had the occasion to meet a resident named Johnny who has a lovely tenor voice. He doesn’t talk much, but instead prefers song. I heard him singing a rendition of “Joy to the World,” that was about as sweet as anything I’ve heard. Stop by and say hello to Johnny. Maybe you could introduce him to a few more songs.
In fact, put those who are the caretakers of the elderly and the infirmed way up on your list. Their jobs are difficult, but certainly not thankless. Those of us who depend on them to take care of our loved ones can’t thank them enough.
As for me, Santa, blue skies, clean air and new hiking trails would be much appreciated. There’s not much better gift, than a day with nature.
Here’s hoping the stars will light your way, Santa, as you bring that special magic to children of all ages across the world.
And peace and joy to you, dear readers, and a Merry Christmas.
Other Views: Eroding court’s authority
While Kansans were focused on the twists and turns of school finance this past week, lawmakers made an unnecessary and historic change in how the state’s district courts operate, coercively tying the reforms to badly needed funding.
Your View: Travesty
What a travesty that a terrific young man from Spain is on the verge of deportation even though he has proven his worth in America (Globe, April 13).
Your View: Astonishing transformation
The transformation of the Republican Party in the last decade is astonishing.
Your View: The changing view
It is heartbreaking to hear the decades old trees (which border on South Pennsylvania in Webb City) cracking and being bulldozed down.
Our View: Safe and sound
Of the 7,500 Joplin and Duenweg homes hit by the 2011 EF-5 tornado, fewer than 20 percent of them had basements.
Other Views: Funding for state’s roads
Missouri is finding there is no good alternative to growing the economy, adding new well-paying jobs and expanding the tax base.
Geoff Caldwell, columnist: Government without apology or explanation
Americans feel closest to their Uncle Sam at this time of year as he extends his hand for his “fair share” to fund his numerous endeavors.
Your View: Step aside
The people of Joplin made it clear they wanted change at City Hall with their decisive votes to replace two council members.
Your View: Serious drawbacks
Joan Banks’ guest column (Globe, April 13) lays out clearly and persuasively the serious drawbacks with so-called right-to-work legislation.
Your View: Free choice
Joan Banks’ guest column (Globe, April 13) regarding right-to-work seems to assume that if workers are given the choice of joining a union, they won’t join.
- More Opinion Headlines
- Other Views: Eroding court’s authority