Guest column: What’s next? Hugging your kids in public?

By Marian Kelly

Globe guest columnist

My niece Karen has new baby and is feeding her the old-fashioned way. While in the hospital, I observed her telling one of her male relatives to “turn around if you don’t want to see this,” meaning she was about to breastfeed, and the man had apparently expressed an aversion to witnessing it. I found this flat-out hilarious.

First of all, we live in a culture in which breasts are used to sell everything from light beer to luxury cars. You can find wet-T-shirt contests on basic cable; cleavage is considered suitable attire for cocktails, the office, and Sunday Mass; but let a breast be used for the one purpose for which it is clearly designed and some people, and some men in particular, find it downright obscene.

I am reminded of my friend Molli, who breastfed both of her kids, and was so adept at it that she became a consultant for new moms. She belonged to La Leche League, a group which, in addition to providing breastfeeding information and support, has its own brand of “lactation humor,” lines like, “What that kid needs is a bust in the mouth,” which I enjoy.

Molli, a Missouri native who now lives in California, once participated in a “nurse-in” at a restaurant chain that had announced a policy forbidding breastfeeding at the table. A couple dozen League moms showed up and stared down the management while feeding their babies, and within days the franchise shamefacedly rescinded the ridiculous rule. But prior to that, a company representative had tried to soothe the angry lactators with the promise that they were welcome to breastfeed in the lavatory. One of them shut him up with, “Do you want to eat your lunch in the bathroom?”

The thing is, even though news organizations had been alerted to the possible confrontation, the story barely got a mention on the evening wrap-up because it wasn’t much of a photo opportunity — there was nothing to see. A woman need not undress in order to breastfeed. (And don’t email me about the exhibitionist types who wear bib overalls just so they can make a show of taking them down — they are in the minority.) But just the same, isn’t it strange that the sight of a mother nourishing her baby is somehow more shocking to us than R-rated billboards?

My pal Molli says her brother once warned her, “Don’t ever do that with me in the room.” She howled with laughter because she had fed her kids in front of him dozens of times and he hadn’t noticed. If you’re not paying very close attention, it just looks like mommy is holding a sleeping baby.

But I’m straying from my point, which is that, for all the airs we give ourselves as a progressive society, we are woefully behind much of the world when it comes to breastfeeding, which pediatricians and child psychologists agree is so important in a child’s development that it should only be abandoned if the mother is unable to nurse.

Ironically, mothers in many countries breastfeed because poverty offers them no other option, but as long as the mother is otherwise healthy, this peasant food is better for the baby than anything money can buy.

I admit I derive a tiny bit of wicked glee from the uneasiness this most natural of activities causes some men — and women — of my acquaintance. And I can only speculate on the reasons: perhaps it spoils the fantasy if the object of desire suddenly has a higher purpose. Maybe breastfeeding demands a new respect for a woman’s body, and they can’t wrap their heads around that. Maybe they’re just jealous.

In any case, if you should happen to spot a mommy whose infant is minding his own business, having his breakfast, try to remember that this is a healthy, natural occurrence, and nothing to call the cops about.

After all, it’s not as if they’re making a beer commercial.

Marian Kelly is a comedian, writer, and motivational speaker. Her Web site is www.mariankelly.com. She lives in Seneca.

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