By Marian Kelly
Globe guest columnist
I read a lot about the decline of civility in our society, and I suppose there’s some truth in it. I am neither a sociologist nor an anthropologist, so I don’t dare speculate on the genesis of this erosion of courtesy. Too many kids being raised in day care? Heck if I know. Violent TV shows and video games? Search me. I watch “Law & Order” reruns and I haven’t started packing heat yet.
But I will own up to this: I have identified a definitive indicator that we are losing our manners: almost no one says “Thank you” any more.
I first noticed it a couple of years ago at one of my regular lunch spots, the ubiquitous hamburger drive-through. Don’t get me wrong — the fresh-faced high-school kiddos who serve me are, by and large, unfailingly pleasant. But “Here you go” doesn’t mean “Thank you.” Neither does “Come back and see us.” No, not even ‘Have a great day.” Those are all lovely sentiments, but darn and blast it all, I would like to be thanked.
I suppose that, once again, my age is showing. Cut off my arm and count the rings, and you will see that I grew up in an era when people took a great deal of pride in service. These days, the super-size of your meal is the big selling point. But for crying out loud, don’t they at least teach them to say “Thank you” when they train them in their jobs?
Even if they don’t, it should just be common sense.
For starters, it means, “I know you could have gone to the taco place, but you came here instead. Having you to serve double cheeseburgers to means my job is secure. I appreciate it.”
Once upon a time, I would try to make my point by waiting patiently with a hopeful, expectant look on my face, but only one server out of 20 got it. About a year ago, a young woman had just finished handing me my change, and I stayed at the drive-up window with my car in “park,” smiling at her. Hesitantly, she asked, “Was there something else?”I replied, “I was waiting for you to say ‘Thank you.’ ” Honest, by the look on her face, the poor child must have thought she was being “punked.”
Now that I think about it, when I do stumble across a “thanker” (at least in public-service positions), they are invariably over the age of 35. I have developed a sort of reverse age discrimination: when I have a choice, I’ll steer my grocery cart toward the older cashier. Not only doesn’t she drop my apples into the bag from a height of three feet, but she’ll smile and say “Thank you.” Every single time.
Hey, I’m not saying this is the end of civilization. I’m actually very optimistic about the generation coming up behind us. Their future’s so bright, they’ve gotta wear shades. And by the way, to each of them who bothered to read this epistle all the way to the end, I have just one thing to say — (wait for it):
Thank you.
Marian Kelly is a comedian and motivational speaker. Her Web site is www.mariankelly.com <http:> . She is also the Circulation Supervisor at the Joplin Public Library. She lives in Seneca.
