My goodness, what a campaign this has been. The vitriol, the drama, the accusations, the gentle swaying between party lines, the fabulous and not-so-fab couture, the typical outlandish promises, the clichéd heated debates.
And, oh yes, the swooning.
What? Swooning? What are swooning and politics doing in the same sentence? I don’t know either, because until the 2008 presidential race, that particular verb hasn’t been paired with that noun since perhaps the close-crowded quarters and long political speeches of the non air-conditioned 1800s.
Yet it’s apparently a newsworthy story that women actually have swooned while in the audience of Barack Obama’s pervasive speeches. Now, to be fair, standing in one spot to secure a good viewing position can indeed make one woozy. Indeed, one source said a few people had fainted at a Hillary Clinton rally as well. (No water bottles for them; apparently both were carried away on stretchers.) But still, Google “swooning over Obama”and be amazed. Somehow, I don’t think all swooners are swooning for the same reasons. Hmmm. In this world of things that make me go “hmmm,” this has given me long stretches of disconcerting disbelief.
Not since women voters turned out in high numbers to cast their votes for JFK simply because they found him to be cute have women behaved so badly. It’s just as pathetic as women who announce “I don’t really care for Hillary, but I’m voting for her just because she’s a woman. I’d like to be part of the history of electing the first woman president.” Yikes! Are there no better reasons for electing a president (a president, for Pete’s sake!) than gender and looks? Yeah. Even in this sorry election.
I’d like to submit my short list of non-political things that might be swoon worthy:
* Matthew McConaughey (I’d like to note here than I’m basing this strictly on the rather shallow basis of looks and a smile; I don’t actually think we’d get along on an intellectual/political basis) shows up on my porch and announces that he simply cannot go on without me. I have to tell him that I am happily married to someone even more wonderful than he. Then of course, he’d have to swoon in regret.
* Finding a wadded up $20 in the pocket of my favorite blue jeans. Now that’s my kind of money laundering!
* Winning not only a year’s worth of free Chik-Fil-A (had I the time to camp out before a grand opening) but having the same benefits at Krispy Kreme just because they think I’m a great customer. Which I am.
* Going in for my annual physical and having the nurse announce, “We’re not going to weigh you this year; we think you look marvelous!”
* My mother announcing that she feels up to watching the girls for a full 48 hours on this year’s anniversary getaway.
* Getting to sleep in until 8 a.m. without any of my girls tapping on my shoulder or loudly shushing each other in the hallway.
*My husband volunteering to make the bed/do the grocery shopping/let us try for child No. 5.
* Oprah announcing that she’s returning to her Baptist roots and/or inviting me on her show to discuss the latest in mommy fashion/crafting the perfect PB & J/my most recent book.
* My teenage daughter announcing: “Really Mom, you’ve done enough for me all these years. I’ll take over your chores from now until graduation!”
* Publisher’s Clearinghouse arriving to present us with an astronomical check and then whisking us away to an exotic beachy location even though I’ve long since quit believing in them enough to return any of my “chances to win.”
Consider the list; write one of your own. Then let’s agree to leave swooning where it belongs.
Cindy Sigler Dagnan is an author and lives in Webb City.
