New music

Miranda Lambert: “Revolution” (A)

Listening to the 25-year-old country star Miranda Lambert’s new album, I feel more in touch with the Four-State Area. For instance, when I saw a recent commercial advertising a free shotgun with the purchase of every new Suzuki ATV, I thought: “What? A free shotgun? That’s crazy. I don’t understand.”

But then the grizzled old man in the commercial, a real crackerjack salesman, clarified. You see, he was standing in front a new four-wheeler wearing a camouflage jacket, and he cocked his shotgun while looking into the camera and he said, “I’m coming for you,” and I thought, “Oh, OK. This makes sense now. He’s coming … wait, no, I’m still really confused.” And then the commercial was over.

But today, after listening to Lambert’s “Revolution”* all week, well, I still don’t understand.

For instance, if you were unsure about whether you should purchase an all-terrain recreational vehicle, would this commercial convince you to pull the trigger, so to speak? And if it did, is it just because ATVs and shotguns are an irresistible combination, or would a free shotgun work as an incentive for any type of purchase? “Honey, grab the car keys. If we hurry we can get a free shotgun if we buy Season 1 of ‘House’ at Best Buy!” or “Honey, get a babysitter, it’s free-shotgun night at the Sizzler!” or “Honey, take out another credit card, it’s buy two shotguns get one shotgun free during shotgun month at the shotgun store!”

Still, while I may not completely comprehend the allure of a free shotgun, it’s enough for me to know guns, in general, are important to people. They’re certainly important to Miranda Lambert. Perhaps the best song on “Revolution” is her anthem “Time to Get a Gun.”

Do you think ammo would work? I mean, if you’re trying to convince someone to buy something. Like if I were in real estate, do you think people would buy my houses if I threw in a big sack of bullets? I’ve read about how people are hoarding their ammunition because of an outbreak of mass delusion, so if I had some tract housing to unload, I could run a commercial that shows an unremarkable ranch-style house with a family man standing on the front lawn holding a handgun.

He would look at the camera and say, “If you’re going to defend your new home against the coming socialist hoards, then don’t make the same mistake I did.” Then he’d point the gun at the camera and pulls the trigger. Nothing. “Buy one of our many appropriate homes now, and get a trash bag full of ammo — we’re talking a whole mess of bullets. Act now!”

Then he’d point his gun at the camera again but this time it would fire! Fade to black.

Lambert sings: “It’s time to get a gun, that’s what I’ve been thinkin’. I could afford one, if I did just a little less drinking.”

I bet if the government offered a tax credit for first-time ATV buyers like it does for homebuyers, that free-shotgun offer would probably work on Lambert. Then if she couldn’t buy any ammo, she might be tempted to buy a house from me.

I’m just snowballing here.

Of course, she doesn’t like the government too much.

In “Time to Get a Gun,” one of the reasons she’s convinced she needs a gun is because a government man shows up at her house to inform her a new highway bypass is going through her property. I know many people in the Four-State Area, like Lambert, also don’t like eminent domain. But what if the Department of Transportation threw in a free shotgun?