I have heard some people complaining that the level of media coverage concerning Britney Spears’ meltdown is excessive.

Excessive? C’mon. Look, the world is a terrible place, straight up. Do you really want to know that 450,000 people have been killed in Darfur as part of an ongoing genocide? Or that 2 million women a year, mostly in African countries, are subjected to genital mutilation as part of widespread cultural practices? And these are just news items from Africa, a continent that fewer and fewer news organizations in America even bother to cover. Why? Because America doesn’t care, baby! Americans are smart enough to know it’s a total downer reading about this stuff.

For instance, if the average American has a choice between a story about how extreme poverty is affecting the presidential election in Senegal or an update on how many inches of new stubble Spears has on her head, which story is getting read? Catch you later, Senegal! So when it comes down to the ratio of hard news to infotainment it’s really just a matter of simple economics for newspapers and news programs trying desperately to retain eyeballs. If people really didn’t care to find out if Britney sired Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, then why are there 17 different variations of US Weekly? Why are gossip blogs so popular?

Frankly, I’m tired of hearing people complain that they’re too good to read or hear about Britney anymore. For the past few years, she was always there for you when you were down on your luck and needed a reason to feel superior. What, she’s too unseemly for you now? When did you get so smug? After all, did Frankenstein’s monster bow and politely recede into the sunset after Dr. Frankenstein was all, “Hey, Mr. Monster, wow, I didn’t know you’d be so grotesque. Could you, like, go away now?” No, the monster tracked down and systematically slaughtered everyone he ever loved, and then the monster killed himself. That’s how it works. Like it or not, Britney is the all-American girl we created, and the least everyone can do is admit it and stay abreast of the carnage.

As it stands now, she is apparently blaming her odd behavior on postpartum depression and is rumored to be reading Brooke Shields’ book on the subject. I don’t know about you, but I’m hoping Tom Cruise somehow becomes involved.

The new Dylan movie

In “Factory Girl,” a biopic about ’60s hottie and Warhol muse/party girl Edie Sedgwick, former-Jedi Hayden Christensen plays an unnamed self-serious singer/songwriter known only as “the artist.”

He is clearly meant, however, to be Bob Dylan. In December, Dylan threatened to sue the filmmakers because the film implied the character was indirectly responsible for Sedgwick’s suicide. Lou Reed was quoted as saying of the script, “It’s one of the most disgusting, foul things I’ve seen — by any illiterate retard — in a long time,” and most critics panned it, so perhaps Dylan’s apprehension was moot as no one appears to care about the film.

For those hoping for a better treatment of the Dylan mythos on screen, keep an eye out for “I’m Not There,” in which six actors portray Dylan during different periods of his career and life. These actors include Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Richard Gere and Cate Blanchett. There isn’t much information on the movie, but its Wikipedia entry links to on-set pictures of Blanchett as Dylan.

Apparently she is depicting him during his 1965 “going-electric” period. (This is the period chronicled in the excellent documentary “Don’t Look Back,” which was re-released in a deluxe, re-mastered and expanded two-disc DVD set on Tuesday.) In the pictures, Blanchett is dressed in black slacks, black leather jacket, black sunglasses and sporting a nice fro.

The film premiers in May at the Cannes Film Festival. The director is Todd Haynes who has directed “Velvet Goldmine” and “Far From Heaven” and the movie is supposed to be “experimental.” The soundtrack will include numerous Dylan covers with at least two performed by one of my favorite artists, Stephen Malkmus. According to Rolling Stone, the former Pavement frontman recorded “Maggie’s Farm” and “Ballad of a Thin Man” with a band that includes Dylan’s bassist, Tony Garnier, for use during a scene portraying Dylan’s infamous 1965 Newport Folk Festival performance, where the folkies booed his switch from acoustic to electric rock ‘n’ roll. So perhaps we’ll have Blanchett lip-syncing to Malkmus covering Dylan.

While I think Hollywood is becoming gluttonous with regards to the biopic, “I’m Not There” reads as if it has the potential to be pretty great and it appears to avoid the trappings of the generic biopic. I keep hoping to read about the development of a Sam Cooke biopic, but so far I haven’t come across anything, although a film about Marvin Gaye entitled “Sexual Healing” starring Jessie L. Martin from “Law & Order” is in the works.

I’m sure a biopic about Spears titled “Toxic” isn’t far off. It will probably be made-for-TV, and it will definitely star Britney Spears.



Address correspondence to Jeremiah Tucker, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, Mo. 64802.