The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

On The Table

October 31, 2012

Amanda Stone: Is Halloween booty a trick or treat?

JOPLIN, Mo. — It’s a gluttonous time of year, and Halloween is just the beginning.

Today is the day that parents indulge their children’s wishes to eat as much candy as they can hold. This is the first year that my 4-year-old daughter is aware of the candy possibilities that Halloween holds. I’m going to be the biggest buzzkill ever.  

I have learned of an idea so brilliantly sneaky, I am ashamed I didn’t think of it myself. Have you heard of the Switch Witch? She descends upon your house on Halloween night and swaps your kid’s sugary loot for a toy, game, healthier snacks or whatever your child desires. The trick is you have to get your kid to agree to trade his or her candy for said treat. Otherwise, it’s just plain thievery. I told my daughter a little story about the Switch Witch needing candy for her cat. It worked like a charm. She can’t wait for the Switch Witch to come tonight and take her candy.  

I’m not trying to deprive my kid of a great American tradition. I have fond memories of dumping out my candy stash on the living room floor and surveying the dazzling rainbow of packages holding enough sugar to put us in diabetic comas. I put them in piles of priority, chocolate being first, of course. I want her to have that indulgent fun on Halloween day. I just don’t see why it needs to go on any longer than just this one day.

Stuff yourself, kids. Leave your loot outside your bedroom door and let the Switch Witch take care of the rest. It’s a win-win situation. Your kids get to eat a ridiculous amount of candy while you steal the remains for your own use. Sneaky.  

As much as I hate to waste food, packaged candy full of artificial dyes, colors and sugars hardly counts as food. Personally, I have no problem throwing out the trick-or-treat candy the Switch Witch nabs. But if you can’t stand to toss out the candy, plenty of dentists will accept it. They donate it to troops overseas. Or you can take it to work and let the grownups indulge for a few days.

Here are a few of my favorite uses for the Switch Witch’s spoils:

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