I haven’t met a mother yet who hasn’t said that her kid hasn’t tested her. Granted, some kids test more than others. It starts before a year of age and, well, according to my mother, sometimes it never ends!

Here’s the thing … it is normal for our kids to test us. It is actually their job. I describe it to parents that as we try to keep kids safe within their circle, they will test us by bouncing off the inner walls of that circle to see if we are going to follow through and stop them from breaking through. This is how young kids learn what their boundaries are. Parents who have way too many rules and are way too strict can create kids who give up on trying. Kids who have no inner circle walls to bounce off of have no sense of security and control and can grow up to be a complete mess. Kids need rules; it makes them feel safe, even if they spend a lifetime trying to buck them. Heck, that is what kids do!

I remember vividly the first time my oldest, Paige, tried to cross her little toes over the line. She had a plastic Daisy Duck figurine that had come in a Happy Meal. She was 10 months old and she took the duck in her hand and crawled over to an uncovered phone jack, looked right at me and prepared to shove the duck’s arm into the jack. I gave her a sweet little, “no, no” warning and she turned and looked at me and went right back to her mission. “No, no!” I cried out again, amazed she had defied me. She looked at me with a look that would have unthawed a polar ice cap and defiantly went to shoving that darn duck into the outlet. I stomped over to her and physically moved her … she crawled back. I moved her again three times before I moved her right on out of the room into her crib and covered that outlet with a roll of duct tape.

This was the start of many trials, and each time I tried to be consistent and firm with what I wanted to enforce. I knew it was important to pick my battles, and to follow through on my actions. I knew that someday her little toes could be crossing much bigger lines. Mine did, when I was the age Paige is now (15) … I pulled a doozie. I also decided to tell Paige about it a few years ago. We know our kids’ toes will often go right up to that line, but if they ever cross it, they need to know what to do.

Here’s the story I shared with my kids of when my toes crossed the line. When I was 15, the drinking age in Kansas was 18 years old, and at places like The Barn in Fort Scott, Kan., IDs for entrance were not frequently checked. I was spending the night with a girlfriend and her parents were out. A group of boys a year older than us who had just started to drive stopped by and asked us if we wanted to go to The Barn. I had heard about this place the older kids had talked about — heck, it was legend — but I knew it was a really, really bad idea. My friend wanted to go super bad, and all of a sudden these three older cool boys were pointing out I was being a stick in the mud by dragging my feet.

I remember the 20-minute ride there and going in. I remember the boys ordering a beer, and I remember the click that happened inside of me that now looking back made me realize my parents must have done a heck of a good job. I went up to the bar and asked to use the phone, and I called my parents. I remember telling my friends and them thinking I was crazy. I remember going out to the parking lot and waiting to meet my death. I vividly remember the big yellow LTD pulling into the parking lot; my parents look of concern and my little brother, six years younger in his pajamas in the back seat, as wide eyed as I have ever seen him. I figure my parents could have killed me. I actually expected them to. I got in the car to silence and I couldn’t stand it and started to talk, and Dad said, “We’ll talk about this later.” It’s scarier to sit in silence, I might add, than to just know my fate.

Here is the thing that I will always respect my parents for, and not until I was a parent of a teen did I fully understand it. Now, maybe if I had pulled this stuff more than once, they should have killed me, but the next day my mom simply said they were very disappointed, but proud of the way I had come to them to get out of a really bad situation. I know that I have told Paige with all sincerity, I would much rather go pick her up at a party gone bad someday, if that situation ever arises, than to ever have her get into a car with a drunken driver. I will try and do the job my parents did. I had lots of friends back then who would have much rather got into a car with a drunken driver rather than to face their parents — those were the parents with so many rules that they had no idea about the bad stuff their kids were doing because their kids were the sneakiest in town. I also had friends on the flip side whose parents didn’t care what they did.

I know that the disappointment in my parents’ eyes that night was worse than any punishment I could have got, and I can honestly say that was the one and only time these toes ever totally crossed that line ... not to say they didn’t teeter on the edge frequently!

Jane Drummond is a parent educator for the Carthage School District. Contact her at janedrummond@mchsi.com.