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Wed, Jan 07 2009 

Published October 08, 2008 06:42 pm - On home visits, I have frequently heard some words and phrases come out of little mouths that would be definitely banned from network TV.

Jane Drummond: Don’t say “#@*%!!!” if you don’t want child to repeat it



A great friend of mine — not to mention a wonderful Parent Educator with the Carthage School District — Laura Davenport, recently had a life-changing weekend. It happened at House of Bounce, the new indoor place for kids on North Main in Joplin where you can take your kids and let them jump and play the day away in those cool giant inflatables.

Laura and her husband, Mike, took their beloved 3-year-old granddaughter, Avery. Laura and Mike — being, in my opinion, young, hip and cool grandparents — got in one of the bounce pits with little Avery, where there was another dad and his two young sons and a whole lot of those balls you throw. Here is where the story gets good. One of the boys picks up some balls and yelled out, “Hey, everybody, let’s HIT THE OLD LADY!”

Laura looked around the inflatable, which I may add that a real old lady could NEVER maneuver into, and realized in horror …. she WAS the old lady the young boy was referring to! Laura admits she fired off a few balls at the kid, whose horrified father apologized like 20 times. This did not get her over the fact that she had been referred to as an “old lady.” It started a deep office conversation that this kid had obviously heard the term “old lady” used before, possibly and probably by an adult, therefore making him feel it was OK to say it.

On home visits, I have frequently heard some words and phrases come out of little mouths that would be definitely banned from network TV! I only have one thing to tell parents: If you are going to say “#@*%!!!,” chances are your kiddo is unfortunately going to repeat you. And if you say Aunt Lynne has a big butt and makes bad salads for the family dinners, well, that is probably going to be repeated too! It exemplifies the famous rule, children will do as you do … not as you tell them to do.

So what if you get into a situation where your youngster’s favorite word is one that he picked up from Dad and is also banned from family-friendly word lists? My best advice is to first off have Dad (or the curser) drop the language himself and pick up on another more family-friendly word if necessary. I’ve seen success with some families picking up a “SpongeBob” phrase. Instead of “Oh %#@!,” say “Oh crabby patty” or “tarter sauce.” Heck, even “shoot.”

Then, if the child tests the word, even for first time offenders, I advise not giving the word too much attention or fuel. If the child doesn’t get the attention from that, they will usually go on to testing you with something else. Sometimes on visits parents don’t see the harm, even think that it is cute when their child uses expletives or mean words. I truly think it is important to most parents for their kids to be accepted and liked. When they go off to kindergarten or preschool, bad and mean words won’t be tolerated, and it will only hurt the child when he or she is punished, or when other kids aren’t allowed to play with them because of the inappropriate words that have been modeled for them.

This is not a new concept. My mother still remembers the most trouble she ever got into as a child was going to her grandmother’s house and telling her what her mother had said … that Grandma Irene was a bad cook and kept a messy house. That story has stayed around for about 60 years now, and my poor grandmother — the one who had been repeated — has just recently been able to laugh about it, too!

Chances are, at some point your kid will say something to embarrass you. That is their job. Your job is to model good things to say and give them a lot less ammunition in life.

Jane Drummond is a parent educator for the Carthage School District.



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