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September 3, 2008

Mat Anderson: Teens dive into dating pool with no experience

When I was a teen, I found the entire concept of dating to be pretty stressful.

I worried for weeks about how to talk to the girl I sat next to in history class and whether she liked me.

One time she offered me a piece of gum, and I was convinced that it was a sign that she wanted to date me. However, I was too scared to actually ask her out and nothing ever developed. A few weeks later, I found out that she shared my feelings, but by then I had already developed a crush on a girl in my art class.

As I look back on these pathetic attempts at dating, I realize I knew absolutely nothing about relationships. Today’s teens are in a similar position. They are transitioning through adolescence and discovering that the opposite sex doesn’t have cooties and that they are, in fact, quite interesting.

As they begin to ask questions about love, sex and relationships, many teens receive little or no preparation from their parents. As a result, teens embark on the journey of romance with little more than tips from magazines and the examples set forth by characters on TV.

With such limited and unrealistic information, many teens’ forays into the dating world prove disastrous.

What teens need more than anything at this time is guidance from parents. Even though it can be uncomfortable talking to your teen about issues like sex and dating, it is something that all parents must do.

It’s also important to note that your interaction with your teen about sex and dating should not be a one-time “sex talk.” Instead, parents should regularly discuss their expectations with their teen and allow teens to ask questions without fear of being lectured.

By creating opportunities to approach these issues honestly and openly, parents can regularly reinforce their values and expectations regarding relationships while providing much needed answers for teens. Here are some more things you can do to help your teen safely navigate the dating world:

• Be a good role model for your teen. When parents treat one another with love and respect, it not only helps their relationship but also shows teens what to expect and how to behave in relationships.

• Set dating rules that include acceptable date activities and curfews. Also, know where your teen is going, with whom and when he or she will be home.

• Get to know your teen’s dates. Invite them to dinner and integrate dates into family activities.

• Provide supervision. Leaving teens alone for hours with no accountability is a set-up for risky behavior.

• Tell your son that he doesn’t need to have sex in order to feel like a man and tell your daughter that having sex will not make her cool. If your teen has already had sex, encourage abstinence and communicate that it is never too late to start making good decisions.

• Watch for signs of bad relationships such as mood swings, neediness, isolation, and verbal or physical abuse. Warn your teen about the danger signs of a bad relationship. Encourage him or her to come to you or another trusted adult if he or she ever feels threatened by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

• Loosen up. While parents need to set boundaries, it’s important to entrust your teen with increasing responsibility to manage his life.



Mat Anderson is the staff writer and research specialist at The Bridge in Joplin. For more information visit futureparadigm.org.

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