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January 14, 2009

Mat Anderson: Communicate openly about important issues

At one point or another, every teen will get in some kind of trouble. For me, a pretty well-behaved young man, it was a couple hours of detention and a speeding ticket. But for other teens, drug and alcohol abuse, unplanned pregnancies, violence and depression can lead to much more serious problems during adolescence and beyond.

In fact, a new study published in the British Medical Journal found that people who displayed behavioral problems as teenagers were very likely to develop mental or personal problems in adulthood. The study followed more than 3,500 students over 40 years and assessed their misbehavior (disobedience, lying, lack of punctuality, restlessness, truancy, daydreaming in class and poor response to discipline) at ages 13 and 15, followed by measures of the subjects’ mental health, social, and economic outcomes at ages 36, 43 and 53.

What the research discovered was that more than 1,000 respondents with moderate, but not severe, behavioral problems in school were more likely to leave school early or be involved in teenage pregnancy and, later in life, had increased likelihood of divorce, alcohol abuse and financial problems.

While the revelation that problem teens will become problem adults may seem obvious to many, it is important to think of that when dealing with teens. Much of the time when teens misbehave or get into trouble, parents and other adults see their actions merely as growing pains or just part of being a teen. But in reality, a person’s actions and choices during adolescence can easily set the tone for his entire life.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that if your teen makes mistakes, he or she will turn out to be a troubled adult. What it does mean though, is that as parents it is important to help teens understand the consequences of bad choices and to help them learn from their mistakes instead of just hoping that they will one day grow up and become responsible adults.

To do this, parents must be dedicated to doing more than having “the talks” with teens.

Most parents and teens don’t look forward to having the drinking talk, the drug talk or especially the sex talk, but it is important that families communicate openly about these important topics. However, once you’ve had the talk and communicated boundaries, it’s not over. Parents need to constantly be communicating with teens about these and other relevant subjects.

While being involved in your teen’s life and setting limits is important, it’s also vital to a teen’s development that he is given increasing amounts of freedom and responsibility to manage this own life. Let teens make choices and then be there to help them evaluate the outcomes.

By being dedicated to raising teens to become successful adults and realizing that the primary role of parents is to do just that, parents can help ensure that the mistakes and trouble their teens encounter during adolescence will serve as education and preparation for adulthood rather than the beginning of a troubled life.

Mat Anderson is the staff writer and research specialist at The Bridge in Joplin. For more information visit futureparadigm.org.

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