I’ve found that after years of listening to parents’ top comments and concerns about their young children, there are a few concerns that are HUGE to them. Among those are eating, discipline, toilet learning … and here is a biggie … getting those kids to sleep, and getting them to sleep in their own bed.

Going into homes and talking to parents, I would estimate that at least 80 percent of my parents have struggled with this issue at one time or another, and 78 percent of those people don’t do it by choice. There are some cultures and some people out there who encourage the family bed. If I visit a family like this who wants that and it works for them, great. However, most of the parents I hear discuss this issue have dark circles under their eyes and a look of desperation.

I feel their pain. Although my kids are 15 and 10, I remember them in my bed, taking rib jabs by a little foot and being smacked across the face with a little hand. Here is my biggest advice to parents who are expecting or have new babies and have yet to encounter this: DON’T start it! I remember in my case, I did it with the oldest the first time as a last resort. I had gotten up a dozen times in the night and she just seemed to sleep so well there by my warm body. If you let them in your bed even once, even if they are sick, you could start a pattern that can be a literal nightmare to break!

Here are a few tips that may make your child’s bedtime easier.

I find that parents who have a bedtime routine have an easier time. A winding-down time is a good place to start. I love the idea of a timer they know is being set to tell them bedtime is coming. Kids don’t like to be told “right now” and need a few minutes to wind down their activities. When the timer starts, you can break into your nightly routine.

I think reading books is a great thing to do during this time and much more beneficial than watching a television to fall asleep by, which is never recommended. When reading, pick out how many books you are going to read and stick to it to avoid the “one more book, please” request. Also avoid books that may cause fear or nightmares, as stories like “The Big Bad Wolf” may come back to haunt them in the night. Follow a similar nightly pattern, like brush teeth, two kisses, lights out!

It can take children a half hour or so to actually fall asleep. If a child gets out of bed, take his little hand with little discussion and lead him back to his room. Set limits on the amount of drinks and requests that he has, too. If you don’t offer a lot of emotion, consistently leading the child back to their room will get boring. The consistency part of this is huge.

Remember with babies, sleep patterns can be different. I look back wishing I knew then what I know now, that babies often wake up several times a night. When you hear a baby stir, give her a few minutes. I ran in there the second I heard them and this never encouraged their ability to put themselves back to sleep. If a baby does end up crying hard and wakes up, tend to her needs, but offer no stimulation. Keep the lights dim, the television off and no baby games or talking. Even in the first few months when new babies come home and often have their days and nights mixed up, these tips will help as babies crave social interaction and need to learn it is day time when they get it.

Also evaluate their nap times. I find some parents of toddlers notice that cutting from two naps a day down to one longer one can help. For older children, eliminate naps late in the day. Also, make a comfortable sleeping environment: a favorite stuffed toy for toddlers, making sure the room is dark enough, or in some cases adding a night light for kids who are scared. I have also found some kids sleep so much better with some white noise, like a fan or sound machine. It is also very important to track how much sleep your child is getting and check with your pediatrician to make sure it is a proper amount.

Parents as Teachers is offered through every school district and is totally free, and your parent educator can also give you much more literature and individualized ideas for your child.

Jane Drummond is a parent educator for the Carthage School District. Contact her at janedrummond@mchsi.com.