Parents are usually concerned with their children’s well-being no matter how old they get. Throw in the prevalence of childhood obesity in today’s society, and the health of kids becomes more prevalent in a parent’s mind.

So what can parents do if they are concerned about the weight and health of their teens or young adults?

It’s a tricky issue to broach without damaging a child’s self-esteem, said Derrise Garner, a psychologist with Herndon, Snider and Associates. Parents should focus on positive, reaffirming aspects, she said.

“It’s the concept of positive reinforcement,” Garner said. “We should point out the positives. Encouraging health, making exercises fun and stressing the positive aspects.”

No matter their child’s age, sometimes parents can’t see the forest for the trees, said Lavinia Rodriguez, a clinical psychologist in Tampa, Fla. who specializes in weight management.

“They focus on specifics they want to change and attack them directly, causing the target of their good intentions to resist and push the parents away,” Rodriguez said. “If parents haven’t done the hard work it takes to have a good relationship and strong communication with their child, forget about it.”

A good relationship doesn’t mean that a parent should be a child’s best buddy and relinquish parental responsibilities. The notion of parents trying to be a friend to their kids doesn’t set well with Garner, she said.

But issues of fitness and weight require a tactful approach, Garner said.

“Being a parent doesn’t equate with being harsh and critical,” Garner said. “Be a positive parent with values and expectations. Put the scales away and let weight be determined through a doctor’s office.”

The biggest thing parents can do is make sure they are living healthy themselves, Garner said. Teens may be thought of as rebellious, but not in the big picture.

“We tend to model what we see and hear from our parents,” Garner said.

How else can we help our growing and grown children go in the right direction when it comes to weight problems? Rodriguez recommended the following tips:

n Focus on the abstract, not the concrete. Don’t comment on their eating or exercise; they already are more aware than you think. Criticizing will only result in resistance, because a power struggle will be created. No person wants to take advice from someone who is constantly making negative comments about what they eat. Modeling healthy behaviors will give you the results you want before nagging will.

n Focus on the relationship. Without a relationship built on trust and acceptance, no child is going to want to listen to even the best pearls of wisdom. The relationship must come first.

n Aim to strengthen your child’s self-esteem. Goals are difficult to achieve without a strong sense of self. Having good self-esteem yourself can rub off on children. Take every opportunity to point out your child’s strengths and why you love him. Positive people want to do positive things for themselves. If they feel good about themselves as people, they will want to be healthy and do what it takes to achieve that.

n Keep focus off the issue of weight. That will only produce more stress. The weight will come off automatically as the child works on the behaviors of gradual lifestyle changes in eating and exercise. Focusing on the weight has no power in producing change.

n Ask what is helpful and what is not. Show respect by asking how you can be helpful instead of trying to force help on him. You might be surprised by what your offspring has to say.

n Have realistic expectations. The body has limits, and there is a lot of incorrect information out there about losing weight. Make sure that you become informed about the issue before giving advice.

n Know when to back off. If you see that your advice is causing arguments or tension, respectfully back off. Go back to focusing on the relationship.