The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Lifestyles

October 19, 2012

Lee Duran: Twitter fiction's brevity is pretty witty

JOPLIN, Mo. — We dedicated readers appreciate a good laugh now and then. When I ran into “Twitter fiction,” that’s what I got, big time. In fact, I’m still laughing.

Here’s the setup: The Guardian, a British newspaper, challenged well-known writers to come up with a story of no more than 140 characters. Anyone who thinks that’s easy should give it a try, which I didn’t. These are so good, I’d have no place to go but down.

Some of the best responses:

Geoff Dyer: I know I said that if I lived to 100 I’d not regret what happened last night. But I woke up this morning and a century had passed. Sorry.

Blake Morrison: Blonde, GSOH, 28. Great! Ideal mate! Fix date. Tate. Nervous wait. She’s late. Doh, just my fate. Wrong candidate. Blond - and I’m straight.

David Lodge: “Your money or your life!” “I’m sorry, my dear, but you know it would kill me to lose my money,” said the partially deaf miser to his wife.

Jeffrey Archer: “It’s a miracle he survived,” said the doctor. “It was God’s will,” said Mrs. Schicklgruber. “What will you call him?” “Adolf,” she replied.

Hari Kunzu: I’m here w/ disk. Where r u? Mall too crowded to see. I don’t feel safe. What do you mean you didn’t send any text? Those aren’t your guys?

SJ Watson: She thanks me for the drink, but says we’re not suited. I’m a little “intense.” So what? I followed her home. She hasn’t seen anything yet.

Helen Fielding: OK. Should not have logged on to your email but suggest if going on marriedaffair.com don’t use our children’s names as password.

Simon Armitage: Blaise Pascal didn’t tweet and neither did Mark Twain. When it came to writing something short & sweet neither Blaise nor Mark had the time.

Charlie Higson: Jack was sad in the orphanage til he befriended a talking rat who showed him a hoard of gold under the floor. Then the rat bit him & he died.

Jilly Cooper: Tom sent his wife’s valentine to his mistress and vice versa. Poor Tom’s a-cold and double dumped.

Rachel Johnson: Rose went to Eve’s house but she wasn’t there. But Eve’s father was. Alone. One thing led to another. He got 10 years.

I could go on, but I won’t. My favorites? Rachel Johnson and Jeffrey Archer. Adolph, indeed!

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