JOPLIN, Mo. —
There was music playing in the living room and laughter echoing off the walls. Our two daughters were dancing in each other's arms, spinning and giggling to their own rhythm.
Their nightgowns swirled around their ankles. Their hair flew behind their shoulders. Then, our toddler stumbled into the middle of the dance and began stomping his feet in circles around the girls.
My husband and I stood aside and watched the beauty of what we'd created. Such perfect children, we thought.
And we could say it, too, because they had been anything but perfect a few hours before the angelic dancing began.
In fact, my husband and I had been harboring much different outlooks for most of the day. We'd both displayed a mess of lost tempers and out-of-control emotions in response to the poor behavior of our kids.
It was a little embarrassing, actually, how angrily we'd reacted. We had escalated regular bad moments into horrid bad moments, and much of the day had been miserable as a result. So, when sweetness came along, we wanted to capture it, keeping the dancing babies and their smiles preserved under a crystal glass.
We knew the perfection would evaporate sooner or later. Theirs and ours.
No matter how calm and patient we aim to be, there's no getting around the fact that we sometimes lose our tempers. We snap. We blame it on our children's behavior, and while that does seem to be a common instigator, the control of our own reactions lies within ourselves.
We know a lost temper solves nothing and often causes more problems than there were to begin with, but that doesn't seem to be enough to halt the overflow when it happens. There are some things we can keep in mind when we feel ourselves starting to lose our cool.
For us, it helps to realize that we're not alone in our sudden anger. If we can remember that parents everywhere are encountering frustrations which seem insurmountable, we feel supported. Solidarity is comforting.
When our kids are the only kids we interact with on a daily basis, we can forget that children all over the world are testing limits and pushing buttons, and that it's normal. We can forget that talking back and whining are bumps in the road of growing up.
Try giving yourself a time-out when you feel your own temper tantrum coming on. If everyone is safe and sound (if not happy), it's OK to tell your family that you're too angry to interact at the moment. You'll be back after you've had time to calm down.
Besides taking a moment to collect your thoughts into an acceptable response, you're being a model of admirable self-control to your kids. They see someone who, rather than blowing up in anger, takes time to think before reacting.
A lost temper can be like a runaway horse: Once it gets going, it's hard to stop. The more you lose your temper, the more it feels right -- necessary, even -- to lose your temper next time. Yelling begets yelling. Anger breeds anger.
But the same can be said of calm perseverance. The more you practice calm responses, the more it feels right -- necessary, even -- to respond calmly next time. Peace begets peace. Patience breeds patience.
And when enough patient days are under your belt, they become a life preserver, keeping you from drowning when the difficulties of parenting threaten to overwhelm your self-control.
Sarah Coyne lives in Joplin. She writes about life and motherhood at her personal blog, http://thisheavenlylife. blogspot.com.
Lifestyles
Related Photos
-
Sarah Coyne
Discussion
Sarah Coyne: Calm parents set good examples for kids
- Lifestyles
-
-
Amanda Stone: Do-it-yourself popsicles can be made from fruit, yogurt
It all started with a little white lie involving the blasted ice cream truck. I may have led my innocent toddler to believe that it is a music truck.
-
Cheryle Finley: Vidalia onion worthy of its own festival
Vidalia onions, the state vegetable of Georgia, are grown in season during late spring and early summer. First grown near Vidalia, Ga., in the 1930s, these onions are becoming more popular each year.
-
Benji Tunnell: Outside of the theater, movies are still entertaining
Every once in a while, I like to take a break from the weekly movie grind and explore some other entertainment avenues. Being a movie geek, I often gravitate toward film-related stuff.
-
Jeremiah Tucker: New Vampire Weekend album has shades of 'Pet Sounds'
The New York band's third full-length release, "Modern Vampires of the City," an instant classic and the best album of the year, feels like a sequel to that song. It is a record about being on the cusp of real, out-of-your-20s, unromantic adulthood and the terror that accompanies the narrowing of your options.
-
Joe Hadsall: Grilling cookbook packed with inspiration
With a healthy supply of flat irons, I've been able to experiment with a new grilling cookbook that has turned out to pretty handy and comprehensive.
-
Craig Tally: Science, theology can coexist
It doesn't seem to matter that there are scientists who express faith in God, and there are religionists who have a high regard for science. Indeed, there are many people of faith who embrace the discoveries of science without fear and trembling.
-
Joplin church among United Methodists participating in worldwide event
Byers Avenue United Methodist will be among churches around the globe uniting for Change the World, the fourth annual such event that has spread like wildfire throughout the United Methodist denomination.
-
Jeana Gockley: Library lines up reading club books
The Joplin Public Library's annual Summer Reading Club kicks off on Tuesday, May 28, so in preparation for a great summer of reading, I have been digging for titles that fit with this year's "Dig Into Reading" theme.
-
Frankie Meyer: Information is only as good as its source
Those details later become crucial as contradictory information is found, which it will be. How can one decide which detail is correct if the sources of the details are unknown?
-
Ryan Richardson: Groups give tips for preventing dog bites
When I was a teenager in the '90s I had an unfortunate incident with my neighbor's dog, a Brittany, that I had grown up with. It took a chunk out of my thigh when I went into the neighbors' yard to retrieve a ball.
- More Lifestyles Headlines
-
