Mike Pound: ‘My dad stabbed my homework’

October 10, 2008 06:36 pm

— By Mike Pound
Globe columnist
mpound@joplinglobe.com
So far this school year, our 10-year-old daughter, Emma, has an “A” in math.
I know! I can’t figure it out either.
Emma is in the fifth grade, and throughout her young school career she has always done pretty well in math. The only thing I can think of is that she was adopted, but, since I was in the room when she was born, I tend to rule out that explanation. But now that I think about it, my wife did look a little different during the whole “birth” thing, so maybe it’s possible. I guess I should ask my wife — if that’s her real name — about that.
The reason Emma’s math skills baffle me is that neither me nor my wife have much of a knack for numbers. The last time I was able to successfully help Emma with her math homework was (and this is true) when she was in second grade. I’m not proud of that, but at least I can say that I’m smarter than a first-grader.
A couple of weeks ago, Emma brought home a math page that required her to complete a sequence of numbers by filling in the numbers left out of the sequence. Let’s say, for example, the sequence went like this: 2 __ 6 __ 10. In that case, to complete the sequence you would write “Red” in the first blank and “Gordie Howe” in the second blank.
Ha. That’s a joke. Everyone knows the second blank should be “Bobby Orr.” No, seriously, the correct answers are “4” and “8.” The problem is that the number sequences Emma was supposed to figure out wasn’t quite as simple as 2-4-6-8-10. I mean, even I (using all 10 fingers) could figure that one out. Nope, the sequences Emma was supposed to figure out were just a tad more random. Most of the sequences read like this: 46 __ 19 __ 85 __ Trigger.
Now, it’s possible that I got the sequence wrong but, really, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Emma had no idea how to do the sequence problems and she came to me for help.
Emma: Dad?
Me: Who are you?
Emma: I’m your daughter and I need help.
Me: Sure. What’s the problem?
Emma: I can’t do my math homework.
Me: Who are you?
Again, I joke. When Emma came to me asking for help with her math, I did what any guy would do: I told her to go ask her mom for help. Emma told me she couldn’t go ask her mom for help. I asked her why she couldn’t ask her mom for help.
“Because she’s at a meeting,” Emma said.
In retrospect, I probably should have known that, but I’m not one to rue the past. Instead, what I did was turn off the TV and took a stab at Emma’s homework. Seriously, I grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed Emma’s homework. But then, I pictured Emma having to tell her teacher that, “My dad stabbed my homework,” so I put the knife away.
The reason I mention all of this is because I just read a story in The New York Times (Motto: Oh Sarah, why do you hate us so?) that says this country is not doing a very good job of developing math skills in our kids. The story, based on a new study published in the Notices of the American Mathematical Society, says that girls in particular are not being encouraged enough to take high-level math courses.
When I first read The New York Times story, a couple of thoughts occurred to me.
Thought No. 1: I need to renew my subscription to Notices of the American Mathematical Society.
Thought No. B: Do I have to show my work on a separate sheet of paper?
The story went on to say that, in this country, we don’t seem to value math skills as much as we value, say, football-throwing skills or cheerleading skills. I found that contention sort of insulting. I know that I, at least, value 3-point-shooting skills much more than I value football-throwing skills.
Besides, I think the recent events on Wall Street are causing all Americans to brush up on at least one math skill. Unfortunately, that math skill is subtraction, but that’s not my point.
My point is, my daughter, right now, has an “A” in math and I have been absolutely no help to her.
And I’m 112-percent OK with that.