On Friday morning, I gave up.
I tried to get to my closet Friday morning, but after repeated attempts I finally gave up. I’m afraid I will have to rent a backhoe, which will be a problem because:
No.1: I have no idea how to rent a backhoe.
No. B: I don’t know how I would get a backhoe into our bedroom.
No. III: I don’t know how to operate a backhoe.
The reason I need a backhoe to get to my closet is because my wife cleaned out her closet this past week. It took my wife the better part of a day to clean out her closet. Frankly, when she first went in I figured I would never see her again. I was afraid that at the end of the day, I would peer into her closet, call out her name, and hear nothing but an eerie echo.
My wife has a very large closet. When we first looked at our house when it was for sale, my wife looked at the closet and said: “We are buying this house.”
To be honest (And don’t you think I should be?), I didn’t think the closet was much of a closet. I thought it was more of a bedroom, or perhaps a small landing strip.
It took my wife about a year to completely fill her closet with an assortment of clothes, shoes, Christmas presents, birthday presents, in-case-we-meet-somebody-presents, hats, jackets, purses, sunglasses, recycled tires, suitcases, wrapping paper, photographs, old letters, new letters, our 14-year-old daughter Emma’s kindergarten artwork, maps, books, books of maps, dog toys, cat toys, toys for animals we don’t have, and I can’t remember the rest.
When my wife’s closet was completely filled, she then had to use to rest of her side of our bedroom to store more things. After a while I got used to not being able to see the furniture in our bedroom, or on some days, our bed. And, since, I seldom ventured into my wife’s side of our bedroom, the assortment of things my wife accumulated on her side didn’t affect me much.
Until last year. That’s when my wife decided that we needed to add a bathroom onto our bedroom.
“Where are we going to put it?” I asked.
“On your side of the bedroom,” my wife said.
“What about my closet?” I asked.
“We’ll build you a new one,” my wife said.
And that’s what happened. I gave up my original closet for a bathroom and, in exchange, I got two new closets. The only problem is the two new closets are about as big as a booger. Making matters worse, one of the closets is on my side of the bedroom and the other is on my wife’s side of the bedroom. Which means sometimes I have to venture into my wife’s side of the room to retrieve an article of clothing.
Until my wife cleaned up her closet, I was able to keep a clear path to the closet. Sure, sometimes I would have to tie one end of a rope to our bedroom door and the other end to my waist to make sure I didn’t get lost, but at least I could get to my clothes.
Last Sunday, when my wife cleaned out her closet, I lost the path to my closet. See, what happened is my wife hauled so much stuff out of her closet, she didn’t have time to get rid of all of it or she wasn’t sure she wanted to get rid of it. Regardless, in spite of having a clean closet, my wife’s side of the room is even more cluttered than it was before she cleaned her closet.
But the good news is Friday I noticed something in the pile of things on my wife’s side of the bedroom.
It was a backhoe.
Do you have an idea for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at email@example.com.
On Friday morning, I gave up.
- Local News
Farmers Insurance teams up with Rebuild Joplin
Farmers Insurance announced Tuesday that the company will team up with Rebuild Joplin for an initiative to help the community complete its recovery efforts. The company already has placed one of its executives in Joplin, and it is pledging additional funds and volunteer hours by company workers to go toward the city’s recovery.
SMB sets up fund for Moore, Okla., storm victims
Southwest Missouri Bank has set up an account so area residents can donate to storm victims in Moore, Okla., which was hit by an EF-5 tornado on May 20.
Farm Service Agency announces deadline
Patty Lambert, executive director of Jasper County USDA Farm Service Agency, said producers are required to report prevented planting acreage for FSA program eligibility.
Former IRS worker gets probation after guilty plea to theft of funds
Pittsburg resident and former Internal Revenue Service employee Becky L. Book received two years probation after pleading guilty earlier this year to the theft of $26,449.65 in public funds.
Joplin residents can sign Banner of Hope for Moore during anniversary event today
Joplin residents will be able to sign a 20-foot banner sending messages of hope and encouragement to the people of Moore, Okla., during the anniversary ceremony today in Cunningham Park.
Arma mother facing murder charge in sleeping baby’s death
Heather Buckalew fell asleep on a couch with her 4-month-old baby after a night last summer drinking beer with her boyfriend. The boyfriend, Donald Harvey, got up to go to work a few hours later and spotted his son, lying face down on a pillow between the back of the couch and his sleeping mother.
Joplin residents lend a hand in Moore
Joplin is paying it forward. The day before the two-year anniversary of an EF-5 tornado leveling one-third of Joplin, pastors from Ignite Church in Joplin were in Moore, where an EF-5 spent 40 minutes on the ground on Monday.
‘Letting Go Day’ planned to help clear the clutter
When Ann Leach lost most of her possessions in the tornado that struck Joplin on May 22, 2011, she realized that things don’t matter that much.
Monetary donations cited as best help for Moore
Financial support for organizations providing shelter and supplies to Oklahoma tornado survivors is recommended for people who want to help. Otherwise, the word is to wait for requests.
Joplin man continues struggle to recover two years after tornado
As the Joplin tornado passed overhead, sweeping the house at 2430 S. Pennsylvania Ave. away in its wake, there was a moment of calm. Delbert Mcguirk was on his back in the basement, where he had sought shelter along with his wife, daughter and two grandchildren. In that moment of relative quiet, he stared up into the eye of the tornado.
- More Local News Headlines
- Farmers Insurance teams up with Rebuild Joplin