The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

February 12, 2014

Mike Pound: One day left to get Valentine’s Day gifts, guys

Listen up, guys. The last thing you want to do is get cocky.

You don’t want to say to yourself: “OK, I’ve got this one. It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, and I’m already getting ready to start thinking about considering to plan — in a general way — what sort of gift to get my wife.”

If you do that, the next thing you will do is forget about getting a head start on Valentine’s Day and instead start watching “SportsCenter.” And the next thing you know, it will be late in the afternoon on Valentine’s Day, and when you rush into the flower shop, the lone, remaining clerk will be curled up in a fetal position on the floor sobbing uncontrollably.

And that’s never a good thing.

My advice for you is to act like the early bird and get the worm.

Since you’re starting your Valentine’s Day shopping a day early, you have a bit of time to pick out that perfect gift for your wife. To do that, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself what sort of things your wife likes.

What? How would you know?

Well, if you don’t know what kinds of things your wife likes, you can call someone and ask. But don’t call one of your wife’s friends, because she will probably call your wife and tell her what you asked. The reason your wife’s friend will do that is because your wife has sworn to call her if her husband calls and asks her the same thing.

Don’t know anyone you can call for gift advice?

Try thinking about what your wife likes to do.

NO, you can’t buy her a new pot or pan. Why would you do that? Oh, because, after she gets home from work, while you’re watching TV, she does something with pots and pans in the kitchen, and later it’s time to eat, so you figure a new pot or pan would make a nice gift?

Let me ask you a question. Say it’s Valentine’s Day and you hand your wife a present. Your wife opens her gift and finds a new pot or pan. What do you think her reaction will be?

NO, she won’t be happy!

Not even if you throw in five “free hug” cards.

What you need to do is go the more traditional route. You need a gift that symbolizes both Valentine’s Day and romance. And no, a George Foreman grill does not symbolize both Valentine’s Day and romance. I’m talking about flowers. I’m talking about red roses.

Red roses make a perfect gift for Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you like them or not. They’re not for you, they’re for your wife. And not just one. You should get her a dozen. Yes, I know a dozen means 12.

Now, in addition to roses, you might want to get your wife a box of chocolates.

Do not eat some of them before you give them to your wife.

If you really want to bowl your wife over, you can ... What? No, I’m not suggesting that you take your wife bowling on Valentine’s Day. Does she even like to bowl? Then why would you take her bowling on Valentine’s Day?

No, if you really want to impress your wife on Valentine’s Day, you can get her jewelry.

Why are you laughing? I’m serious. Jewelry makes a great Valentine’s Day gift. When was the last time you bought your wife jewelry?

Wow, that long?

How do you know your wife doesn’t like jewelry? Oh, because she never wears it? Why don’t you take a minute and think about why that is. I’ll wait.

Hey, it has been 20 minutes. What are you doing? What? Watching “SportsCenter”? What about Valentine’s Day?

Oh, never mind.

DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

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