The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

February 11, 2013

Mike Pound: Wife doesn’t ‘get’ sacred T-shirts

Sometimes I think my wife isn’t even trying to understand me.

I don’t really ask for much, and, to be honest, I don’t actually expect her to understand me. But she could at least try.

I try to understand her.

For example, I try to understand why my wife sets two alarm clocks to go off an hour before she needs to get up, and then hits the snooze button every five or 10 minutes.

On Sunday afternoon, I was trying out a new shrimp etouffee recipe when my wife came home from the gym. When she walked into the kitchen, I noticed that she was wearing my Stan Musial shirt.

I know!

“You wore my Stan Musial shirt to work out?” I asked in my I-can’t-believe-you-did-that voice. I don’t use that voice very often because — since I live with my wife and our 15-year-old daughter, Emma — I would probably have to use it all the time. But when I saw my wife in my Stan Musial shirt, I couldn’t help myself.

My wife, hearing the voice, looked at me and very slowly said, “Nooooooo.”

My wife likes to wear oversized shirts when she goes to the gym, and my T-shirts, at least on her, qualify as oversized. I really don’t mind that my wife wears my T-shirts to the gym, but I don’t know what possessed her to think that my Stan Musial T-shirt was workout material.

Seriously, who thinks like that?

It would be like me wearing a pair of my wife’s Prada shoes on a float trip, even though I wouldn’t even know if my wife had a pair of Prada shoes since I don’t know what Prada shoes are.

When I first heard about Prada shoes, I thought they were made out of Russian newspapers, but then someone told me I was thinking of Pravda shoes.

Even if my wife did have Prada shoes, they wouldn’t fit me. And, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t want to wear them on a float trip anyway, so maybe the whole Prada comparison is wrong.

Except it isn’t.

See, it clearly wouldn’t make sense, on several levels, for me to wear a pair of my wife’s Prada shoes, and it doesn’t make sense for my wife to wear my Stan Musial T-shirt to the gym.

I tried to explain to my wife that the Stan Musial T-shirt is special. I tried to explain to my wife that the Stan Musial T-shirt is not a workout T-shirt.

“I only wear it on special occasions,” I said.

“Holy cow. Relax, grouch. It’s just a T-shirt,” my wife said.

For the second time: I know!

That’s right, my wife said my Stan Musial shirt is “just a T-shirt.” That’s like saying the Mona Lisa is just a painting or that the Grand Canyon is just a hole in the ground.

I was particularly taken aback by my wife’s lack of understanding given that Musial recently passed away. My wife doesn’t get things like that. One time, many years ago, my wife and I were having lunch in the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago when the late, great newspaper columnist Mike Royko walked into the bar with his family and sat in a booth not far from us.

I told my wife who Mike Royko was and how much I liked his work.

“Well, go say ‘hi’ to him,” she said.

Yeah, right. So anyway, I didn’t say “hi” to Mike, and unfortunately he passed away a few months later.

OK, maybe that time my wife was right ... but still.

I told my wife that my Stan Musial shirt is special. I told her that it must not be worn to the gym.

“Fine,” my wife said. “Next time, I’ll wear one of your Jimmy Buffett shirts.”

For the third time: I know!

DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

Text Only
Local News
  • Pseudoephedrine sales in Pittsburg to require prescription

    Starting Friday, those who purchase pseudoephedrine and related products in Pittsburg will need a prescription to do so.

    July 22, 2014

  • Cherokee County Commission accepts general counsel's resignation

    Kevin Cure, who has served as general counsel for the Cherokee County Commission since 2005, submitted a handwritten resignation to the board on Monday in the aftermath of a landfill controversy.

    July 22, 2014

  • Mike Pound 2010.jpg Mike Pound: Parents can get help with school supplies

    I don’t know much about demographics other than the fact that I no longer belong to a “targeted demographic.” When I was younger, I was bombarded by commercials and ads from companies that were trying to sell me things that I not only needed but wanted.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Jasper County Commission reviews traffic plans

    The Jasper County Commission will hold public hearings today and Thursday on a number of traffic changes proposed in the county. No one spoke when the first hearing was held Tuesday as part of the regular commission meeting, according to Jim Honey, Eastern District associate commissioner.

    July 22, 2014

  • Joplin school board reviews audit procedures

    A team from the Missouri State Auditor’s Office has begun requesting documents in its task to audit the operations and management of the Joplin School District, the audit manager told the Board of Education on Tuesday.

    July 22, 2014

  • Joplin man to stand trial in accident case

    A passenger accused of causing an accident on Interstate 44 in Joplin that injured three others as well as himself was ordered bound over for trial Tuesday on three felony counts.

    July 22, 2014

  • r072214soroptimist3.jpg Volunteers spend week providing camp experience to foster youths

    Karen McGlamery is a massage therapist. Terri Falis-Cochran is a finance manager. Jane McCaulley is a retired art teacher. But for a week each summer, the three are among dozens of area residents who become camp counselors.

    July 22, 2014 2 Photos

  • Neosho school board hires company to manage substitutes

    Citing its hopes of shifting health care costs and utilizing more time from retired teachers, the Neosho Board of Education granted a contract Monday to a temporary employee company to manage its substitute teacher program.

    July 22, 2014

  • Main Street TIF district study to begin

    A measure that allows the city to charge its $15,000 in administrative costs for studying a proposal to create a tax increment financing district on South Main Street was approved Monday by the Joplin City Council.

    July 21, 2014

  • Carthage man pleads guilty in sexual abuse case

    A Carthage man pleaded guilty Monday to sexual abuse of a 12-year-old girl in a plea agreement that would cap the length of his prison term at no more than 15 years.

    July 21, 2014

Must Read


A state lawmaker who is one of two doctors in the Oklahoma Legislature is insisting that unaccompanied immigrant minors being housed at Fort Sill be quarantined. Do you think those kinds of measures should be taken?

A. Yes.
B. No.
     View Results
Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter