There is no graceful way to leave a shower before you want to.
I’ve tried and I can say with a certain degree of certainty that it’s not possible. Of course, the good thing about having to leave a shower before you want to is that, most of the time, no one is around to see you do it. The bad thing about having to leave a shower before you want to is — follow me here — leaving the shower before you want to.
Years ago, I would leave the shower if I was home alone and the phone rang. Years ago, I worried that someone important was on the other end of the phone and desperately needed to speak with me.
“Oh no, the phone!” I would say. “I bet it’s the president with an urgent question about national security. I must leave the shower.”
And then I would stumble out of the shower and run to the phone leaving a trail of water behind me deep enough for Chris Christe to swim in and answer the ringing phone. But you know what? The president was never on the other end of the line. Usually my wife was on the other end of the line, and most of the time what my wife had to say was pretty much the exact opposite of important.
So I no longer leave the shower when I’m home alone and the phone rings.
Now it takes something really important to cause me to leave a shower before I want to. Something like — I don’t know — shampoo. It seems to me that one of the reasons most folks take a shower is to wash their hair. It also seems to me that if a person gets into a shower and begins the process of washing his hair only to discover that he has no shampoo, that person needs to leave the shower and get some shampoo. Otherwise the whole shower is wasted. It’s like making a trip to the grocery store and then not buying any food.
One day last week, after our 14-year-old daughter, Emma, had gone to school and my wife had left for work, I began taking a shower. I got into the shower, turned the water on and reached for my shampoo only to find that someone else had reached for my shampoo and hadn’t returned it to its rightful home. I know who that someone was.
“EMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!” I yelled. That, by the way, raises an interesting philosophical question. If a parent angrily yells the name of his or her teenage child when the parent is home alone, does a tree fall down? OK, so maybe it’s not an interesting philosophical question.
My point is my shampoo was missing and I was pretty sure where it was. So, I climbed out of the shower and sloshed my way down the hall to Emma’s bathroom where I found my shampoo. Emma, apparently had run out of her shampoo and in a pinch borrowed mine, used it, and — as 14-year-olds are prone to do — forgot that she borrowed my shampoo.
By the way, sometimes I want to tell Emma how lucky she is to have her own bathroom. Sometimes I want to tell her that, depending on what sort of housing the Army offered my parents, there were times when I shared one bathroom with my mom, dad and six brothers and sisters. Memories of those days still haunt me today.
Later, as I was leaving work I called Emma and asked her what type of shampoo she used.
“Why?” Emma asked.
“Because you are out of it,” I said.
“How do you know?” Emma asked.
I told Emma how I knew she was out of shampoo.
“Oh,” she said. “Sorry.”
Then Emma told me the name of her shampoo. Then she asked me if it had stormed recently.
“No,” I said. “Why?”
“Because a tree in our yard fell down,” she said.
So, maybe it was an interesting philosophical question.
There is no graceful way to leave a shower before you want to.
- Local News
Neosho National Fish Hatchery honors veterans
Gary Wallington started a trend during the third annual Rainbows for Veterans event on Saturday after he reeled in a trout bigger than any his friends had caught.
Duquesne receives storm shelter
The city of Duquesne now has a storm shelter thanks to the city of Joplin and the Community Foundation of Southwest Missouri.
St. Patty’s Revenge slated in Miami next week
Part duathlon, part adventure and all challenge, the St. Patty’s Revenge Urban Adventure Race will take place at 2 p.m. Sunday, March 16, at the Miami Civic Center.
Wally Kennedy: Music store design hits right note
A persistent winter slowed some construction projects, and one of them was the new building that will house Ernie Williamson Music, 925 S. Range Line Road.
MAP: Construction in area tops $1 billion since 2011 tornado
Recovery began the morning after the tornado. Now, approximately 34 months later, Joplin and Duquesne have broken through a barrier that looked a long way off on the evening of May 22, 2011. As it stands now, Joplin has racked up $997.3 million in repairs and new construction across all categories.
Joplin City Council member says she has not moved
A Joplin City Council incumbent says rumors and Facebook posts indicating that she has moved to Webb City are unfounded.
Deadly hog virus arrives in Missouri; experts forecast higher pork prices this summer
Hog farms across Missouri have been struck by porcine epidemic diarrhea, a fast-spreading virus that can kill 80 percent of piglets that contract it. In some cases, entire nurseries containing thousands of piglets have been wiped out overnight.
Mike Pound: Fear of root canal requires sensitivity
The other day, my wife said her tooth hurt. Because I am a caring, considerate and thoughtful veteran husband, I looked up from the basketball game I was watching to express concern. “What?” I said.
Students show off projects at regional History Day contest
Jillian Lopes knew she wanted to research the Holocaust for this year’s History Day competition, but the subject was far too broad. So she whittled it down until she was focused on Irena Sendler, a non-Jewish Polish woman who worked to save children during the Holocaust and whose life later became the subject of a play called “Life in a Jar.”
MSSU panel prepares presidential job advertisement for publication
The advertisement for the president’s job at Missouri Southern State University could be published as early as next week, the university’s search committee was told Friday. The ad will run in the Chronicle of Higher Education, a print and online publication for higher education professionals, for 60 days, said Darren Fullerton, vice president of student affairs and enrollment management, and a member of the committee.
- More Local News Headlines
- Neosho National Fish Hatchery honors veterans