The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

January 16, 2014

Mike Pound: It’s OK to wish misery on Super Bowl ticket holders

My third-grade teacher, Sister Philothea, would not be happy with me.

Lately, I have been thinking bad thoughts, and if you attended Catholic schools, you know that thinking bad thoughts is just as bad as actually doing something bad. Sure, in a court of law merely thinking bad thoughts to yourself might not be a big deal, but Sister Philothea’s classroom was not a courtroom.

I want a blizzard of epic proportions on Feb. 2. OK, maybe not a blizzard, but I want it to be really cold and really miserable on Feb. 2 — the kind of cold and miserable in which only a moron, or someone who absolutely had to do so, would venture outside.

But I don’t want it to be cold and miserable everywhere on Feb. 2. Nope, I want it to be cold and miserable in just one particular spot: the Meadowlands Sports Complex in East Rutherford, N.J.

And actually, it would be great if the cold, miserable weather was restricted to just the Meadowlands Sports Complex. No reason for the rest of East Rutherford to suffer.

The reason I’m hoping for cold and miserable weather at the Meadowlands Sports Complex on Feb. 2 is because that’s where and when the Super Bowl will be played.

Normally, the Super Bowl is either played outdoors in warm climates or indoors in colder climates. But, this year, the folks who run the National Football League decided it would be a hoot to play the Super Bowl in an outdoor stadium in a normally cold climate.

Here’s how I suspect the sales pitch from the marketing department to the NFL big shots went:

Marketing guy: “So, in 2014, we propose playing the Super Bowl at the Meadowlands.”

NFL big shots: “Are you crazy? Why?”

Marketing guy: “As a thank-you to the people who made the NFL successful. See, we can, because of the expected cold weather, lower the ticket prices so the average fan can attend a Super Bowl.”

NFL big shots: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You knucklehead, you almost had us.”

Marketing guy: “Ha-ha. No, seriously, we think if we play the game in the New York City area, we can charge more and make a fortune.”

NFL big shots: “But what about the average fans?”

Marketing guy: “HAHAHAHAHA! You guys … you almost got ME that time.”

I did something I seldom do before writing this column: research. My research consisted of typing “Super Bowl 2014 tickets” into the Google search box and then clicking on the first ticket website that popped up. According to that website, I could get a Super Bowl ticket in the very upper level at the Meadowlands Sports Complex for $6,550. But, since I’m not an upper-level kind of guy, I looked at the cost of a ticket in something called the “Commissioner’s Suite,” and I found one for just slightly more than $800,000.

Now, to be fair, the prices on the website did not appear to be official NFL prices. In fact, the website noted that some of the ticket prices might have been above face value.

But still, I’m guessing a bunch of Super Bowl tickets will be in the six-figure range. And who shells out six figures to watch a football game? Morons with more money than sense, is what I’m thinking.

Actually, I would be OK if the morons shelling out six figures for Super Bowl tickets were using their own money. I mean a fool and his money, right?

But, in many cases corporations are shelling out the money. And, while corporations sometimes want to be treated like people, using their own money for Super Bowl tickets isn’t one of those times. The people who actually shell out six figures for Super Bowl tickets are folks like you and me who provide money for whatever it is the corporations are selling.

So, the way I figure it, if a bunch of morons are using my money for Super Bowl tickets, I want them to be cold and miserable.

And come to think about it, I’m pretty sure Sister Philothea would too.

DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

1
Text Only
Local News
  • Last two safe room projects up for Joplin School Board approval

    The Joplin Board of Education during its meeting tonight will consider more than $2.4 million in bid packages for safe rooms at Columbia and West Central elementary schools.

    April 20, 2014

  • AndraBryanStefanoni.jpg Andra Bryan Stefanoni: Mosaic pieces together purpose

    Today I want to tell you about a man named John — a man I never knew existed until last week. And yet he’s making a difference in my community. He is an individual served by Mosaic of Southeast Kansas, which also, I learned, is making a difference.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • 042017 Jo Ellis_c.jpg Jo Ellis: Carthage Historic Preservation to re-create trolley era

    Recapturing history is difficult, but recapturing history without a building, an artifact or a singular focal point is even harder. To celebrate National Historic Preservation Month, Carthage Historic Preservation wants to recapture an era and an experience that have been gone from the city for almost 80 years: the era of the trolley (or tram) cars that provided public transportation.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • SusanRedden.jpg Susan Redden: Candidates for associate judge address GOP group

    The response was all but unanimous among four candidates seeking two Jasper County associate circuit judge positions. Asked to cite the biggest obstacle to justice in Jasper County, three of the four said the most prevalent challenge is getting the needed time on a busy court docket.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Money to area lawmakers slows down but doesn’t stop

    With the Legislature back in session, the flow of campaign cash to local candidates has slowed. But in this election year, the money did not completely stop. All members of the local delegation to the Missouri General Assembly are on the ballot this year, but only two lawmakers are facing opposition.

    April 20, 2014

  • Joplin City Council to hear baseball plan details

    Proposed redevelopment plans for Joe Becker Stadium will be discussed with the Joplin City Council in a work session at the end of its regular meeting tonight. The WLD Suarez partnership has obtained a franchise of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball that succeeds the El Paso (Texas) Diablos.

    April 20, 2014

  • 041814 EPA projects5_72.jpg Contaminated mine tailings could be used on west bypass

    About 500 acres of former mining land at Wildwood Ranch have been reclaimed by contractors working for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. More than 1 million cubic yards of contaminated mine tailings in the form of chat and waste rock have been consolidated in a surface repository that someday could be part of the roadbed for a limited-access highway that transportation planners hope to build on the west side of Joplin.

    April 20, 2014 4 Photos

  • 041914 Wedding1_72.jpg VIDEO: Cancer patient walks down aisle in wedding thrown by friends

    A year ago, Schandera Jordan was diagnosed with a rare form cervical cancer. And months after a radical hysterectomy, doctors confirmed the worst: The cancer had spread to her lungs and pancreas.

    April 19, 2014 2 Photos

  • 0420earthday.jpg Prairie State Park kicks off Earth Day events

    Prairie State Park began celebrating Earth Day early with an event Saturday that provided a chance for people of all ages to learn more about how they can protect the environment.

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • r041614giregabby.jpg SLIDE SHOW: Teen with cystic fibrosis finds widespread support

    When the Nevada Show Choir performs its spring show on stage, it’s impossible to pick out the student with cystic fibrosis because there are no outward clues.
    Gabby Gire, 18, is just another performer. She sings, she dances, she smiles for the audience.

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo 1 Slideshow

Must Read
Sports
Photos


Facebook
Poll

The United States is considering deploying about 150 soldiers for military exercises to begin in Poland and Estonia in the next few weeks, following Russia's buildup of forces near its border with Ukraine. Do you think we should deploy these troops?

Yes
No
     View Results
Opinion
Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter