The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

November 23, 2012

Mike Pound: No positive spin for Brussels sprouts

The New York Times has finally gone too far.

For years, I’ve put up with its despicable liberal media habit of relying on facts instead of just making stuff up the way the respectable news outlets do, but this time they have stooped lower than even I thought they could stoop.

On Friday, The New York Times had the nerve to publish a positive story about Brussels sprouts.

I know!

The story was written by Melissa Clark, but I’m not blaming her. Judging by what I read, Melissa is a fine food writer who seems to know her way around the kitchen. Instead, I blame her bosses. I’m pretty sure they threatened to lock Melissa in a room with Paul Krugman and David Brooks if she didn’t get on board with the Times’ leftist, Brussels sprout agenda.

Not only does Melissa make the case that Brussels sprouts are actually edible, she also makes the ridiculous claim, unsupported by the facts I might add, that they taste good. Clearly, someone at the Times has been sipping too much pinot.

I happen to have a reliable source tell me that Brussels sprouts taste like dirt that has been dragged through cow waste, dipped in 6-month-old stale milk and left to sit in the sun for 36 hours. That reliable source of whom I speak is me.

When I was a child I would be forced to sit at our dining room table long after my brothers and sisters had left because I refused to eat my Brussels sprouts. One year I missed the entire fourth grade.

If I had to choose between eating Brussels sprouts or watching an entire episode of “Dancing with the Stars,” I would opt for “Dancing with the Stars.”

I dislike Brussels sprouts is what I’m saying.

In her story, Melissa writes that while Brussels sprouts for many years have been thought of as a side dish, they now can be turned into a main course. To which I reply: Nuh uh.

Melissa says that she loves to mix Brussels sprouts with pasta and bacon or sausage. She also says that she prepares the dishes in a variety of ways.

“With quartered Brussels sprouts and sliced Brussels sprouts, I’ve added red wine and leeks. I’ve added nuts and cheese; I’ve broiled the sprouts instead of sautéing them. I’ve even deep-fried the sprouts, which was wonderful but much too messy to attempt again on a weeknight.”

Just reading that paragraph makes my skin crawl. The only way that paragraph could be saved is if the words “Brussels” and “sprouts” were deleted. If you did that you would have a much improved paragraph. Granted, it wouldn’t make much sense, but, as we know by reading stories about Black Friday shoppers, sense is vastly overrated.

Melissa, in the story, shares one of her favorite Brussels sprouts recipes. One of the great things about the recipe, she writes, is that it takes very little time to prepare.

“You can crave it at 8 and be eating by 8:30,” she says.

First of all, why someone would crave Brussels sprouts is beyond me, and why he would want to be in a hurry to eat them is doubly baffling. It would be like craving a punch in the nose.

“You can crave it at 8 and be bleeding by 8:30.”

For the recipe, Melissa says she mixes the sprouts with pancetta and tops it with either an Italian or a Spanish cheese. I do have to admit that after reading Melissa’s description of her dish, I did think everything about it sounded pretty good.

Except the Brussels sprouts.

 

1
Text Only
Local News
  • Pseudoephedrine sales in Pittsburg to require prescription

    Starting Friday, those who purchase pseudoephedrine and related products in Pittsburg will need a prescription to do so.

    July 22, 2014

  • Cherokee County Commission accepts general counsel's resignation

    Kevin Cure, who has served as general counsel for the Cherokee County Commission since 2005, submitted a handwritten resignation to the board on Monday in the aftermath of a landfill controversy.

    July 22, 2014

  • Mike Pound 2010.jpg Mike Pound: Parents can get help with school supplies

    I don’t know much about demographics other than the fact that I no longer belong to a “targeted demographic.” When I was younger, I was bombarded by commercials and ads from companies that were trying to sell me things that I not only needed but wanted.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Jasper County Commission reviews traffic plans

    The Jasper County Commission will hold public hearings today and Thursday on a number of traffic changes proposed in the county. No one spoke when the first hearing was held Tuesday as part of the regular commission meeting, according to Jim Honey, Eastern District associate commissioner.

    July 22, 2014

  • Joplin school board reviews audit procedures

    A team from the Missouri State Auditor’s Office has begun requesting documents in its task to audit the operations and management of the Joplin School District, the audit manager told the Board of Education on Tuesday.

    July 22, 2014

  • Joplin man to stand trial in accident case

    A passenger accused of causing an accident on Interstate 44 in Joplin that injured three others as well as himself was ordered bound over for trial Tuesday on three felony counts.

    July 22, 2014

  • r072214soroptimist3.jpg Volunteers spend week providing camp experience to foster youths

    Karen McGlamery is a massage therapist. Terri Falis-Cochran is a finance manager. Jane McCaulley is a retired art teacher. But for a week each summer, the three are among dozens of area residents who become camp counselors.

    July 22, 2014 2 Photos

  • Neosho school board hires company to manage substitutes

    Citing its hopes of shifting health care costs and utilizing more time from retired teachers, the Neosho Board of Education granted a contract Monday to a temporary employee company to manage its substitute teacher program.

    July 22, 2014

  • Main Street TIF district study to begin

    A measure that allows the city to charge its $15,000 in administrative costs for studying a proposal to create a tax increment financing district on South Main Street was approved Monday by the Joplin City Council.

    July 21, 2014

  • Carthage man pleads guilty in sexual abuse case

    A Carthage man pleaded guilty Monday to sexual abuse of a 12-year-old girl in a plea agreement that would cap the length of his prison term at no more than 15 years.

    July 21, 2014

Must Read
Sports
Photos


Facebook
Poll

A state lawmaker who is one of two doctors in the Oklahoma Legislature is insisting that unaccompanied immigrant minors being housed at Fort Sill be quarantined. Do you think those kinds of measures should be taken?

A. Yes.
B. No.
     View Results
Opinion
Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter