Once again, as a public service, I offer advice for male parents as another holiday approaches.
This time the holiday is Father’s Day, which is Sunday. The most important piece of advice I can give to male parents out there is to not forget. That’s right, the most important thing men have to do on Father’s Day is remember that it’s Father’s Day. In that sense, Father’s Day is a much easier holiday to handle than Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day, a male parent has to remember that it’s Mother’s Day AND he as to remember to buy his wife a present — preferably before Mother’s Day itself.
It’s a stress-filled holiday is what it is.
The only occasions that rival the pressure of Mother’s Day for a male parent are Valentine’s Day and wedding anniversaries.
Speaking of wedding anniversaries, I was talking to Virgil McCoy the other day about the legendary Captain Tony who, for years, owned and operated Captain Tony’s Saloon in Key West, Fla. Captain Tony passed away a few years ago at the age of 91. There was a picture taken at his funeral of two of Captain Tony’s children. In the picture were Captain Tony’s oldest son, who was 72 years old, and his youngest son, who was 21 years old.
I’m guessing Mother’s Day was a stressful day for Captain Tony.
I know it may not sound like much but forgetting that it’s Father’s Day can get a male parent into almost as much trouble as forgetting that it’s Mother’s Day. That’s because, unlike male parents, female parents put a lot of thought into plans for Father’s Day. Several years ago my uncle, brother, brother-in-law and I all planned a float trip. The plan was to float on Friday and Saturday and return home on Sunday morning. The only problem was that Sunday was Father’s Day.
But my uncle, my brother, brother-in-law and I didn’t figure there was anything wrong with arriving home from a float trip on Father’s Day. Our wives didn’t share our lack of concern. They were furious. They made us change our Father’s Day plans.
“But it’s Father’s Day,” I said to my wife.
“Exactly,” my wife said.
“But I thought I could do anything I wanted to do on Father’s Day,” I said.
“Who gave you that idea?” my wife said.
“Hallmark,” I said.
My wife informed me that I couldn’t do anything I wanted to do on Father’s Day.
“You have to enjoy Father’s Day. You have to spend it with your family,” my wife said.
When I pointed out to my wife that the two sentences she just uttered were mutually exclusive, she told me to be quiet.
“You are going to enjoy Father’s Day whether you like it or not,” my wife said.
Last week my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast on Father’s Day. That’s right, almost two weeks before Father’s Day, my wife was already planning breakfast.
I told my wife that didn’t plan on getting out of bed until lunch on Father’s Day. My wife then asked me again what I wanted for breakfast on Father’s Day. Only this time she put an emphasis on each word when she asked me what I wanted.
“Biscuits and sausage gravy,” I said.
“That’s better,” my wife said.
Later, my wife asked me what I wanted to do on Father’s Day. I told her that I wanted to watch baseball all day. My wife then asked me again what I wanted to do on Father’s Day and again she put an emphasis on each word.
“Spend time with my family,” I said.
“That’s better,” my wife said.
So it sounds like I’m going to enjoy Father’s Day this year.
I just hope I don’t forget.
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