Things around Washington are starting to get out of hand.
I just read that Gen. David Petraeus and his comb over want to secede from the Union. And our Congress creatures apparently aren’t going to do anything about it, which I think is crazy. I mean, who knows what sorts of secrets might be hiding in that thing?
By the way, I’m not sure which is funnier: That our former CIA director apparently went “undercover” or that thousands of people are threatening to secede from the Union. But, I guess if I had to choose I would go with the Petraeus deal. The Petraeus love triangle — or maybe it’s a love rhombus or maybe it’s even a pentagon (ha) — reminds me of an episode of “Get Smart.”
Seceding from the Union is just sort of odd. I mean if someone wants to secede, I’m thinking he should just go ahead and leave. Just talking about seceding doesn’t accomplish anything. When I was a kid and got mad about something and threatened to run away, my mom would always put her arm around me and quietly say, “I’ll help you pack.”
It didn’t help that I have six brothers and sisters, so even if I did run away it would probably take my parents a year — maybe two — before they noticed I was gone.
As I understand it, the folks wanting to secede from the Union are upset about the election. I guess I can see that. I mean what better way to protect democracy than to threaten to secede from the Union when an election doesn’t go your way.
I know some people who have told me that because of the election they are planning to stock up on guns and move to the country. Of course those same people said that same thing four years ago. So there is that.
I even heard some people say that if Mitt Romney didn’t win the election they were going to move to Canada, which I’m sure made the Canadians happy.
“Quick eh? Let’s build a fence around the border, eh? Good bacon, eh?”
To me the secessionists are annoying, but the whole Petraeus affair is an ongoing train wreck that never seems to run out of track.
First we find out that Petraeus got caught — shall we say — sharing too much with Paula Broadwell, his biographer. By the way, who has their own personal biographer? Is it possible that Gen. Comb Over thought a tad too highly of himself?
Then we find out that Petraeus got caught because Broadwell — who to me looks a bit like that woman in the TV show “King of Queens” — sent harassing emails to a woman named Jill Kelley, who looks like a Kardashian. The reason Broadwell sent Kelley the harassing emails was because she thought Kelley was getting too close to her man, which sort of sounds like a Tammy Wynette song.
So Kelley contacts an FBI agent she knew and we later learn that he once sent a topless photo of himself to Kelley. Then he turned the information over to his bosses. That’s when the FBI finds out that Gen. John Allen, who replaced Petraeus as the general in charge in Afghanistan, and Kelley had exchanged thousands of emails that the FBI said were of “a flirtatious nature.”
Is this a great country or what?
You just know that somewhere Bill Clinton is watching all of this and saying, “YEAH BABY!”
So again, all of you folks threatening to secede, please do so. But those of you involved in the Petraeus mess, please stay.
We need the entertainment.
Things around Washington are starting to get out of hand.
- Local News
Joplin Christmas parade now set for Dec. 17
The Joplin Christmas parade, which was canceled this week because of bad weather, is now set for Tuesday, Dec. 17.
Food Basket Brigade volunteers to go door to door in annual drive
Whether the weather cooperates or not, the Newton County Food Basket Brigade plans to be out in force Saturday morning collecting nonperishable food items for families in need. In the brigade’s 25th year, volunteers will be going door to door from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. in Neosho.
Joplin mall shopper mugged at gunpoint
Three teenagers are being held on charges that they robbed a woman at gunpoint Wednesday night in the parking lot of Northpark Mall in Joplin. A 60-year-old Webb City resident was getting out of her vehicle about 7:50 p.m. on the southeast side of the mall at 101 N. Range Line Road when a young man came up behind her and demanded her purse. He showed her a gun, and she handed over the purse.
Mike Pound: Dr. Mike offers (bad) Christmas shopping advice to men
I don’t want to sound too full of myself, but I consider what I do for a living a gift to mankind. And when I say “mankind,” I mean male people, because I’m pretty sure female people don’t think what I do for a living is a gift to them. Call it a hunch.
Freezing rain possible for morning commute
Motorists heading to work or school this morning should give themselves some extra time because the roads could be slick. The Joplin area could see a mixture of rain, sleet, snow and freezing rain this morning and on Saturday as the latest in a series of wintry storms moves across the region.
Mother, daughter among December graduates at MSSU
Among the nearly 300 students who are set to graduate from Missouri Southern State University on Saturday are a pair with a special connection — Rose Dominguez and her mother, Virginia Wiseman.
Crowder names new campus for board member James Tatum
Crowder College on Thursday announced the name of its new McDonald County campus: James B. Tatum Hall, honoring a longtime member of its Board of Trustees. “It’s basically a small portion of acknowledging the tremendous contributions that Mr. Tatum has made to Crowder College,” board President Andy Wood said.
Spiva Center for the Arts accepting online entries for PhotoSpiva
Online entries are being accepted for PhotoSpiva, the prestigious national photography competition and exhibition hosted annually by Spiva Center for the Arts, 222 W. Third St.
The deadline for entries is Jan. 5, 2014.
Southeast Kansas school board votes to close McCune school
In a unanimous vote Wednesday night, the remaining four members of the Southeast of Cherokee School Board sealed their decision to close McCune Attendance Center, one of five possible options for reorganization of USD 247.
Couple’s quarrel ends in fatal shooting
A 54-year-old man is believed to have shot and killed his wife, and then called 911 and waited for deputies to arrive at their home east of La Russell. Lawrence County Sheriff Brad DeLay said David K. Holman was arrested Monday night after the fatal shooting of Radonna L. (Roland) Holman, 55, inside their home at 6504 Highway 97.
- More Local News Headlines
- Joplin Christmas parade now set for Dec. 17