The big day is just under 21⁄2 weeks away and panic is starting to set in.
Actually, panic set in months ago but now that level of panic has been turned up a notch or two.
That reminds me of one of my favorite moments in the movie “This is Spinal Tap.” Christopher Guest, who plays Nigel, one of the members of the band Spinal Tap, is explaining to Rob Reiner how he creates louder music by an extra level on the band’s amplifiers.
“It goes to 11,” the band member says proudly.
“Why don’t you just make 10 louder ...?” Reiner asks. Then Guest, not understanding the question at all, pauses and says, “These go to 11.”
I should point out here that by making the “This is Spinal Tap” reference, I effectively wasted 30 minutes. The first thing I had to do was Google “This is Spinal Tap” to make sure Christopher Guest was the guy who played Nigel. Then I had to look up the quote to make sure I got it correct and then I had to watch a clip of the scene and laugh. And, since it has been a while since I saw “This is Spinal Tap,” I had to play the clip again and laugh some more. Then I had to walk over to fellow Globe employee Scott Meeker to tell him about the clip, and then he told me about one of his favorite parts of “This is Spinal Tap.”
And yet my wife doesn’t think I work hard.
Back to the panic.
The person panicking is our 14-year-old daughter Emma, and the object of her panic is fashion. Specifically, Emma is panicking about the fashion she will sport on her first day of high school, which, as I mentioned, is a just under 21⁄2 weeks away.
Clearly, according to Emma and my wife, this looming emergency warrants a trip to Kansas City for a frantic fashion foray. I naively asked Emma and my wife why they couldn’t just shop for high school fashions at home, and my wife and Emma stared at me as if I had suggested that Britain wasn’t prepared for the Olympics.
Then I made things worse by adding, “What’s wrong with what’s in your closet?”
My wife and Emma informed me I am a moron.
It was explained to me by my wife and Emma that you never shop for first-day-of-high-school clothes in the same town you live in. As I understand it, people who live in New York City drive to Buffalo to buy their clothes for the first day of high school.
It also was explained to me that wearing something that Emma already owns for her first day of high school would be like Mitt Romney buying a house with only a 12-car garage.
It’s not done, is what it’s not.
I don’t remember worrying much about what I wore on my first day of high school. My big deal, on that day, was figuring out where the high school was, even though it was located right next to the junior high that I had attended for two years.
I was not the brightest kid in my high school class.
The reason, I think, that I didn’t worry about what I wore on the first day of high school is that I’m a male person.
Emma is a female person, which is why she and my wife spent Saturday in Kansas City shopping for clothes while I sat somewhere and watched baseball on TV.
The volume on the TV went to 11.
Do you have an idea for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.
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