The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

November 9, 2012

Mike Pound: Black Friday shifts to Thursday — blame liberals

So this year Black Friday starts on Thursday.

Well, actually, I think Black Friday started on Thursday last year, too, but this year Black Friday REALLY begins on Thursday.

Specifically, Black Friday this year starts at 8 p.m. Thursday. That’s when Wal-Mart has decided to start its annual day-after-Thanksgiving sales, which means it’s possible Black Friday will begin before the Dallas Cowboys are through losing their Thanksgiving Day football game.

By the way, this will be the second year in a row the annual Thanksgiving Day NFL games shouldn’t suck. For some reason, many years ago, the morons who run the NFL decided that the Detroit Lions should be the host for a Thanksgiving Day football game despite the fact that the Lions had a history of being — well — almost Kansas City Chiefs-like. Then, a few years later, the morons who run the NFL decided that the Dallas Cowboys also should play a Thanksgiving Day football game, despite the fact that most people can’t stand Jerry Jones, the Cowboys owner.

At least when the morons who run the NFL tabbed the Cowboys to play host to a Thanksgiving Day football game, the Cowboys were a pretty good team. But then, a few years ago, both the Cowboys and the Lions were in K.C.-like modes, so the Thanksgiving football games were painful to watch.

But this year the Detroit Lions are playing pretty well, and the Dallas Cowboys, while not great, aren’t Chiefs-like either. So the Thanksgiving Day games should be pretty entertaining, assuming, of course, that you get to watch them and aren’t forced to drive people to Wal-Mart so they can go shopping.

I know for some people the news that Wal-Mart is starting Black Friday at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving is not such a big deal. I know some people will say that since Wal-Mart began Black Friday at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving last year, making it two hours earlier isn’t much of a change.

To those people I have one thing to say: “Oh yeah?”

Don’t you see that if Wal-Mart keeps this up it won’t be long before Black Friday begins on Wednesday. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “When will people in Florida learn how to hold an election?” But you’re also thinking, “But Mike, Wal-Mart would never move Black Friday to Wednesday.”

That might be a good point, but we’re not just talking about Wal-Mart here.

If you’re a Wal-Mart competitor and you see that Wal-Mart is starting Black Friday at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving, what do you think you’re going to do? Besides crawl up into a ball and sob like a baby, I mean.

What you’re going to do is try to one-up Wal-Mart and start your Black Friday sale at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving, which will force Wal-Mart to move its Black Friday sales to 4 p.m., which will force you to ... well I think you get the picture.

Want to know who’s to blame for all of this Black Friday nonsense? Liberals.

Before liberals started turning half the country into a bunch of wine-swilling, European socialist elitist snobs, Thanksgiving used to be on the last Thursday in November. But then that East Coast liberal Franklin Roosevelt decided to move Thanksgiving up a week. Sure, he did that because a bunch of big retailers asked him to, but still, if you ask me, it was the first salvo in the war on Thanksgiving.

So, this year, if you have to leave the Thanksgiving dinner table before the pumpkin pie is served so you can take your family Christmas shopping, blame the liberals.

Of course, if you don’t want to blame the liberals then, what the heck — blame Karl Rove.

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