The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

November 9, 2012

Mike Pound: Black Friday shifts to Thursday — blame liberals

So this year Black Friday starts on Thursday.

Well, actually, I think Black Friday started on Thursday last year, too, but this year Black Friday REALLY begins on Thursday.

Specifically, Black Friday this year starts at 8 p.m. Thursday. That’s when Wal-Mart has decided to start its annual day-after-Thanksgiving sales, which means it’s possible Black Friday will begin before the Dallas Cowboys are through losing their Thanksgiving Day football game.

By the way, this will be the second year in a row the annual Thanksgiving Day NFL games shouldn’t suck. For some reason, many years ago, the morons who run the NFL decided that the Detroit Lions should be the host for a Thanksgiving Day football game despite the fact that the Lions had a history of being — well — almost Kansas City Chiefs-like. Then, a few years later, the morons who run the NFL decided that the Dallas Cowboys also should play a Thanksgiving Day football game, despite the fact that most people can’t stand Jerry Jones, the Cowboys owner.

At least when the morons who run the NFL tabbed the Cowboys to play host to a Thanksgiving Day football game, the Cowboys were a pretty good team. But then, a few years ago, both the Cowboys and the Lions were in K.C.-like modes, so the Thanksgiving football games were painful to watch.

But this year the Detroit Lions are playing pretty well, and the Dallas Cowboys, while not great, aren’t Chiefs-like either. So the Thanksgiving Day games should be pretty entertaining, assuming, of course, that you get to watch them and aren’t forced to drive people to Wal-Mart so they can go shopping.

I know for some people the news that Wal-Mart is starting Black Friday at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving is not such a big deal. I know some people will say that since Wal-Mart began Black Friday at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving last year, making it two hours earlier isn’t much of a change.

To those people I have one thing to say: “Oh yeah?”

Don’t you see that if Wal-Mart keeps this up it won’t be long before Black Friday begins on Wednesday. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “When will people in Florida learn how to hold an election?” But you’re also thinking, “But Mike, Wal-Mart would never move Black Friday to Wednesday.”

That might be a good point, but we’re not just talking about Wal-Mart here.

If you’re a Wal-Mart competitor and you see that Wal-Mart is starting Black Friday at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving, what do you think you’re going to do? Besides crawl up into a ball and sob like a baby, I mean.

What you’re going to do is try to one-up Wal-Mart and start your Black Friday sale at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving, which will force Wal-Mart to move its Black Friday sales to 4 p.m., which will force you to ... well I think you get the picture.

Want to know who’s to blame for all of this Black Friday nonsense? Liberals.

Before liberals started turning half the country into a bunch of wine-swilling, European socialist elitist snobs, Thanksgiving used to be on the last Thursday in November. But then that East Coast liberal Franklin Roosevelt decided to move Thanksgiving up a week. Sure, he did that because a bunch of big retailers asked him to, but still, if you ask me, it was the first salvo in the war on Thanksgiving.

So, this year, if you have to leave the Thanksgiving dinner table before the pumpkin pie is served so you can take your family Christmas shopping, blame the liberals.

Of course, if you don’t want to blame the liberals then, what the heck — blame Karl Rove.

Text Only
Local News
  • State audit of Joplin School District begins

    Staff members from the state auditor’s office have begun their audit of the Joplin School District, Superintendent C.J. Huff said Monday. They are expected to be in the district four days per week for the next five to six months, or perhaps longer, until the audit is complete, Huff said.

    July 21, 2014

  • Burglary conviction draws shock prison time

    A Joplin man who received 120 days of shock incarceration time Friday in a drunken-driving case in Jasper County Circuit Court was assessed a concurrent sentence Monday in a burglary case.

    July 21, 2014

  • Mike Pound 2010.jpg Mike Pound: Family gatherings mirror circle of life

    The annual family gathering is getting bigger. There tends to be an ebb and a flow to most family gatherings. When you’re a kid, and especially if you’re a kid from a large Catholic family, the gatherings seem to be huge.

    July 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Carthage man pleads guilty in sexual abuse case

    A Carthage man pleaded guilty Monday to sexual abuse of a 12-year-old girl in a plea agreement that would cap the length of his prison term at no more than 15 years.

    July 21, 2014

  • Main Street TIF district study to begin

    A measure that allows the city to charge its administrative costs for studying a proposal to create a tax increment financing district on South Main Street was approved Monday by the Joplin City Council.

    July 21, 2014

  • 071714 Jasper Cty Dispatch1_72.jpg Area communities, Jasper County work to improve communications

    The first law enforcement officer to respond to a fatal shooting last November at Northpark Mall was from the Duquesne Police Department — not Joplin. Joplin police Chief Jason Burns said he wasn’t bothered by that. “We dispatch for them, and they had an officer close who could get there faster,” he said. “And getting help to people as quickly as possible is more important than jurisdictions.”

    July 20, 2014 2 Photos

  • New and old TIF districts on agenda for Joplin council

    Another tax increment financing district is being proposed for Joplin, this one along South Main Street. The area is close to the new Mercy Hospital Joplin that is set to open next year. RKS Development is seeking authorization from the Joplin City Council when it meets Monday night to prepare a request to establish a TIF district.

    July 20, 2014

  • AndraBryanStefanoni.jpg Andra Bryan Stefanoni: Family grows by one — a black Lab named Raven

    If you haven’t experienced the feeling of a tiny puppy in your lap at the end of a perfect July Saturday — hammock time, s’mores, leisurely walks, you know the kind — I highly recommend it. It is pure joy.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • 042017 Jo Ellis_c.jpg Jo Ellis: Car show, sidewalk sale and more scheduled for weekend in Carthage

    All roads leading to Carthage should be packed this weekend as numerous events geared toward entertainment, cultural pursuits and bargain hunting are expected to pull in large crowds.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • SusanRedden.jpg Susan Redden: Hobby Lobby lawyer to speak at watermelon feed

    Josh Hawley, who helped represent Hobby Lobby in arguments before the U.S. Supreme Court on contraception requirements in the Affordable Care Act, has been added to the list of speakers for Thursday’s annual watermelon feed sponsored by Newton County Republicans.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

Must Read


Do you think Missouri should pass legislation that would allow a prescription drug database to be kept?

A. Yes.
B. No.
     View Results
Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter