By Mike Pound
Globe columnist
This morning, our 9-year-old daughter, Emma, will wake up on her own.
It just might be the only school day this year that Emma will wake up on her own. That’s because today is the first day of school, and Emma loves the first day of school. Well, I’m not sure that’s entirely true. What Emma loves is the first-day-of-school new outfit.
About a month ago, my wife and Emma started looking for her first-day-of-school outfit. They didn’t buy Emma’s first-day-of-school outfit right away — that would be crazy. No, first-day-of-school-outfit shopping requires patience, vigilance, dedication, perseverance, stamina, foresight, hindsight, research, planning, waiting, attacking, retreating and attacking again. Once all the groundwork has been done by my wife and Emma, then and only then will they be ready for the actual purchase of the first-day-of-school outfit.
My wife and Emma bagged Emma’s first-day-of-school outfit a couple of weeks ago. After Emma got home, she couldn’t wait to show it to me.
Emma: Dad, do you want to see my first-day-of-school outfit?
Me: Emma, I’m still in my car. You called my cell phone.
Emma: Let me describe it. There is a cute top. It’s green. And then we bought these cute pants and ...
Me: Whoops. I’m driving through a long tunnel. I can’t hear you ...
When I finally did get home, Emma was waiting for me when I walked into the kitchen. I hate when Emma wants to show me her first-day-of-school outfit. This may come as a shock to some folks, but I don’t so much care about clothes. I’m colorblind and have absolutely no fashion sense. So Emma could hold up a back-to-school outfit designed by some fancy French back-to-school-outfit designer, and I would look at it for a second say, “That’s nice.
On the other hand, Emma could hold up a back-to-school outfit designed by a dim-witted chimp, and I would look at it for a second and say, “That’s nice.”
To be honest, I really don’t know what Emma’s back-to-school outfit looks like. Earlier in this column, I indicated that the outfit was green, but for all I know, it’s actually teal or mauve — although I don’t know what teal and mauve are. I do seem to remember that Emma’s back-to-school outfit is a top-pants combination. Or maybe it’s some sort of overall. I’m not sure.
Whatever Emma’s back-to-school outfit is, I would see it sometime Wednesday night when Emma carefully laid it out before she went to bed. See, almost as important as the first-day-of-school outfit is the laying out of the first-day-of-school outfit. On the morning of the first day of school, there are some very important things that need to be done. First, Emma needs to make sure that her hair is exactly the way she wants it. She needs to make sure that her new “High School Musical” backpack looks as cool as it did in the store when she bought it. And she needs to make sure that the lunch I pack for her will be of first-day-of-school quality. The last thing Emma wants to worry about is whether all the pieces of her first-day-of-school outfit are laid out in order.
So, Emma will spend roughly 27 hours making sure everything she needs to make her back-to-school outfit complete is laid out in exactly the right order. If the Bush administration had laid out plans for the invasion of Iraq the way Emma will lay out her back-to-school outfit, the war would have been over three years ago.
Once Emma gets dressed and has her healthy, toaster-heated Pop-Tart breakfast, my wife and I will drive her to school. And after Emma gets in her new classroom, and greets old friends she hasn’t seen for a while and greets her teacher, she’ll forget that she’s wearing her new back-to-school outfit. Instead, she’ll be thinking about more important things.
Like, you know, her second-day-of-school outfit.
Local News
Mike Pound: Much planning goes into first-day-of-school outfit
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