The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

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May 16, 2008

Mike Pound: Hankerin’ for some Chicago-style foie gras

By Mike Pound

Globe columnist

mpound@joplinglobe.com

Chicago’s long nightmare is over.

The venders are back at Wrigley Field, the deep-dish pizzas once again have that distinctive flavor, and all because of the return of that traditional Midwest staple that is foie gras.

As I’m sure many of you remember, two years ago the Chicago Board of Aldermen (Motto: So How Much Money You Got?) voted to ban the sale of foie gras in the city. Immediately after the vote, the folks who love foie gras threw their arms up in the air in anger.

“Hey, we’re angry, as you can tell by the fact that we threw our arms up in the air,” the foie-gras people said.

It should be noted that when it comes go getting angry, foie-gras people aren’t exactly Bears fans. The only other thing — besides throwing their arms up in the air — that foie-gras lovers do to show their anger is to occasionally stamp their feet.

But that’s really not my point. My point is that foie gras is back in Chicago and I think that’s a good thing. See, my wife and I and our 10-year-old daughter are planning a trip to Chicago this summer and I was disappointed that I was not going to be able to get on the outside of some famous Chicago-style foie gras (served with a Polish sausage). Now I can.

OK, perhaps I’m lying. Not about the whole foie-gras-is-back thing — that’s true. I’m lying about wanting to eat some foie gras. See, as far as I can tell, foie gras is made from the livers of ducks and geese. I don’t know about you, but the words “livers of ducks and geese” are words that I’ve never used after the words ‘I’ll have the ...”

My dad used to use chicken livers as bait when he went fishing. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: If you fish with it, I don’t want to eat it.

But even though I’m not much of a foie-gras fan, I do think the Chicago aldermen did the right thing when they voted to overturn the two-year-old ban. The ban was first proposed because some aldermen felt the ducks and geese where the foie gras came from were being mistreated, which, to me, is sort of obvious. I mean, they are having their livers taken out, which, to me, qualifies as mistreatment.

Of course, under new rules drawn up by the Bush administration, the taking of someone’s liver does not rise to the level of mistreatment.

But despite what the Bush administration thinks (which, by the way, is pretty much the motto over at Congress), my point is of course they mistreat ducks and geese when they take out their livers. That’s pretty much what happens when you’re somewhere toward the bottom of the food chain. You get eaten. I mean, let’s face it, they don’t exactly put chickens up at the Ritz Carlton before they turn them into McNuggets, but nobody in Chicago said anything about banning the sale of chicken.

Besides, it’s not as if there aren’t other more important issues facing the city of Chicago. I’m talking about, of course, the fact that Jim Edmonds is now a Chicago Cub. That’s what folks in Chicago really want to talk about. Well, that and whether Roger Clemens ever had an affair with Barbara Walters. I don’t think what the folks in Chicago are talking about is the whole foie-gras debate.

Tony: Yo’ Vito, are you gonna get you some foie gras or what?

Vito: Gonna get some what?

Tony: Foie gras.

Vito: I had ya mother’s foie gras last night.

Nope, I’m pretty sure most folks in Chicago could care less that if they can order up a mess o’ foie gras (I think that’s how you order foie gras). I’m pretty sure the only people who are happy about the news are the foie-gras lovers — all seven of them — in Chicago.

Now they can finally put their arms down.

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