I have met the enemy and he is me
I’m thinking about getting a lobbyist. You know, to represent me and my posse, which is pretty much just me.
But some lobbyists have reputations of being such slimy people that I don’t know that I want to associate with one, even one who works for me.
Heck, even the American League of Lobbyists notes that its members are “still frequently viewed with suspicion. ... The caricature is as familiar as the name: portly, cigar-smoking men who wine and dine lawmakers while slipping money into their pockets.”
Neither John McCain nor Barack Obama want anything to do with lobbyists.
A recent headline in the Washington Post summed it up: “Candidates Vie to Be The Anti-Lobbyist.”
“ ... lobbyists aren’t just part of the system in Washington, they’re part of the problem,” Obama said.
But whether I want a lobbyist or not, I have one. In fact, I have several. You do too, which makes us all, according to Obama, “part of the problem.”
Take this place where I work.
The Joplin Globe is a member of the Joplin Area Chamber of Commerce, which in turn is a member of the Missouri Chamber of Commerce and Industry, which has four people in Jefferson City registered as lobbyists, according to the Missouri Ethics Commission. That ought to be good for me, right? The Globe also belongs to the Missouri Press Association, which has a registered lobbyist. Some newspapers in the state have their own registered lobbyists, but that seems showy and highfalutin’.
Then there’s the little matter of my electric power provider, a rural cooperative, which technically makes me an owner of the coop. My cooperative is part of the Association of Missouri Electric Cooperatives, which means I’ve got another ten registered lobbyists in my corner.
Then I’ve got this 401(k) with funds invested in various blends of stocks. I can’t tell you all the companies in which I may proudly or otherwise be an owner, but judging from the fact that it has been floundering, I’m not sharing in any of those record oil company profits. I’m probably loaded up on the Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.
Anyway, maybe one of these funds has tied into AT&T;, or Miller Brewing, or Ameren or Philip Morris, or their related companies. If that’s the case, I got a big gun at my disposal — none other than the industrious Andrew Blunt, brother of Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt and son of U.S. Rep. Roy Blunt. Andrew Blunt represents nearly 100 companies or organizations or other interests. Surely, then, I can sleep easy knowing he’s got my back.
Then there’s the personal stuff. I’ve spent enough money fishing over the years that both Bass Pro Shops (two lobbyists) and the Missouri Department of Natural Resources (four lobbyists), which manages trout parks, ought to be looking out for me, that is if they want me to keep spending my money there. Heck, my church even has lobbyist in Missouri, pushing for laws that keep me on the straight and narrow.
All of this is great, of course, but what if all those lobbyists are working at cross purposes? I can imagine scenarios where the Missouri Press Association might be interested in public disclosure of records that the Missouri Chamber of Commerce and Industry might oppose. I can imagine those who represent fishermen fighting those who represent utilities, which discharge mercury into streams, making some fish such as largemouth bass unsafe to eat. I can imagine scenarios where Ameren might want legislation that would require cooperatives like mine to invest in green power, just as they may soon be required to do, and which the Association of Missouri Electric Cooperatives might oppose.
Why, I can even imagine a scenario where Andrew Blunt’s sizzling power overwhelms the poor lobbyist from the Missouri Catholic Conference, and I find myself misstepping into the world of Miller beer and Philip Morris cigarettes and who knows what other iniquities.
Andy Ostmeyer is metro editor at The Joplin Globe.
Local News
Andy Ostmeyer: I have met the enemy and the enemy is me
- Local News
-
-
City wants to buy weather radios for those without
Phil Jones had been working on a construction project outside his house all day on May 22 and was unaware that a tornado watch had been issued. Once he was inside, though, his weather radio went off, and he learned that a warning had been issued.
-
Architects present preliminary JHS plans at community meeting
Reaction appeared mostly supportive Thursday night among the roughly 50 people who attended a community meeting at which architects presented their preliminary site plans for the future combined Joplin High School and Franklin Technology Center.
-
Confessed shooter testifies against co-defendants in Pittsburg murder case
Rickey Smith testified Thursday that as he came in the back door of Ryan Bailey’s home in Pittsburg with a 9 mm pistol in his hand, Bailey looked up from the couch in his living room.
-
School district’s proposed street-closing plan questioned
Plans to close some streets near the proposed Joplin High School drew questions, including a challenge from a former Joplin mayor, during a public hearing this week.
-
Neosho council approves new golf cart contract
The purchase of golf carts was back on the agenda this week for the Neosho City Council. City Attorney Steve Hays said there were errors in the financing terms that were part of a bid approved last month for the purchase of 55 gas-powered carts from E-Z-Go for $144,195, so the purchase of a new fleet was rebid.
-
Mike Pound: Spirit of competition evident during double-overtime game
When I played basketball in high school, I played in several very close games.
Now, some people who may have known me in high school are probably laughing right now and saying, “What Mike meant to say is that when he was in high school, he came very close to playing in some games.” -
Mo. optometrist filed $40 million refund claim
A southwest Missouri optometrist who filed a tax return claiming a $40 million refund has been sentenced to four years and three months in federal prison.
-
Okla. receives waiver from No Child Left Behind
Oklahoma’s top education official reacted with glee Thursday with the announcement that the state is one of 10 states being granted a waiver from the federal No Child Left Behind law that requires students be proficient in reading and math by 2014 — but focused on getting students to “just pass the tests.”
-
Kan. House approves bipartisan redistricting bill
Power in the Kansas House is likely to shift next year from rural parts of the state to the Kansas City area after members overwhelmingly approved a bipartisan bill Thursday for redrawing their districts.
-
Fugitive in 1993 British heist arrested in Ozark
A man suspected of stealing about $1.5 million from a security van in England in 1993 has been arrested in southwest Missouri.
- More Local News Headlines
-
Denver's Largest-Ever Drug Bust Nets Dozens
Marines: No Punishment for Nazi-like Flag
Vets Look to Translate Military Skills Into Jobs
Expert: Removing LA School's Staff 'Appropriate'
Raw Video: School Bus Burst Into Flames
LA School Reopens Amid Sex Abuse Scandal
$25B Settlement Reached Over Foreclosure Abuses
Pentagon: Allow Women Closer to Front Lines
Obama Gives Education Waivers to 10 States
Giffords Aide to Run for Her Seat
LA School in Sex Abuse Scandal Reopens
Winter Slamming North Asia, Parts of Europe
Syrian Forces Renew Bombardment of Homs
States, Banks Reach Foreclosure-abuse Settlement
Raw Video: Italy's Mount Etna Bursts Into Life
Greeks March; Angry Despite Debt Deal
Raw Video: U.S. Pullout Celebration
Raw Video: Annual Empire State Building Run-Up
Man Killed in Courthouse Shootout
Air Force Airlines: Leaders Get Polished Service
