Really, the Republicans didn’t have any choice.

They had to cut back on their national convention this week. They had to scale the whole thing down. It was the only smart thing to do.

Because, let’s face it, you can’t have a convention if all the reporters are in Louisiana.

I don’t know what it is about hurricanes that turns TV news folks into morons. But whenever a storm threatens to blow in, they all drop whatever it was they were doing, grab some dorky-looking rain gear — complete with the news channel’s logo emblazoned on it — and rush to stand out in the middle of the storm yelling things like: “It sure is windy here,” or “It’s starting to rain harder now,” or “If that *&^%$ Anderson Cooper can stand out in this &^%^$, then so can I.”

Speaking of Anderson, isn’t it time for him to step away from the hurricane coverage and let some of the younger kids look like idiots for a while? I mean, the guy’s supposed to be a CNN star now. It’s time for him to drop the dramatic live shots in which he looks the eye of a hurricane in the eye and says, “Wow, it sure is windy.”

On Monday, I watched some CNN moron reporting from the top of what he said was a five-story building in the French Quarter in New Orleans. He mentioned that it was windy on the top of the building. He mentioned that it was raining. He pointed out the Mississippi River and mentioned that there were whitecaps on the water. After he finished his report, the CNN anchor, who was smart enough to be indoors, told the guy on the roof to “be careful.”

Several thoughts ran through my head as I watched the report on TV.

Thought No. 1: The guy on the roof of the five-story building was a moron.

Thought No. B: Of course it was windy and raining, and there were whitecaps on the water. That’s what happens in a hurricane.

And finally,

Thought No. 3: BE CAREFUL? That’s what you tell a guy standing on the roof of a five-story building in a hurricane? BE CAREFUL? How about telling him to “GET THE ^%$# OFF THAT FIVE-STORY BUILDING, YOU MORON. YOU’RE IN A HURRICANE.”

I do need to point out that I am in no way trying to understate the seriousness of the hurricane that, at the time I am writing this, still has the potential to do major damage to large portions of the Gulf Coast. I am trying, though, to point out that guys who stand on the roofs of five-story buildings during hurricanes are morons.

Earlier Monday morning, my wife told me that she saw Geraldo on Fox News trying to save some poor guy in the hurricane. My wife said it was unclear why Geraldo was trying to save the guy, and that it didn’t much look like the guy needed to be saved. But that’s Geraldo for you. If you are trapped in a hurricane and need to be rescued, he’s your guy. Although, if I had to choose between being rescued by Geraldo or facing a hurricane, I would probably take my chances with the storm.

The good news for the Republicans is that George Bush and Dick Cheney decided to skip the convention in order to make it appear that they cared about the hurricane in New Orleans. The bad news is that Bush sent former FEMA Director Michael “Heck of a job, Brownie” Brown to the convention in his place.

Ha, that’s just a leftover Michael Brown joke.

Evidently, some Republicans were a bit worried about Bush and Cheney speaking at the convention. Evidently, some Republicans were concerned that voters would remember that Bush and Cheney are Republicans. Now, according to a source that I made up, Bush, instead of speaking at the convention, will send a “strongly worded e-mail.” Or as McCain called it, “one of those computer thingamajigs.”

By the way, not all of the hurricane coverage on TV was moronic. There was one guy on CNN who I liked. A guy who appeared to know what he was talking about and who seemed to have a clear grasp of what was important and what was large, farm-animal droppings. I’m talking about Larry King. Ha.

No, seriously, I’m talking about that retired general who, during Hurricane Katrina, marched into New Orleans and got things under control. The folks at CNN hired him to be some sort of in-studio expert for this hurricane, and he pretty much did what he was hired to do. He gave no-nonsense answers to sometimes inane questions, and he managed to hit on all the important topics. But the main thing he did was stay in the studio. I’m sure that if the CNN folks would have asked the general to, say, stand on the roof of a five-story building in the middle of a hurricane, he would have suggested that they shove their New Orleans beignets up their French Quarter.

That’s something, by the way, that — unlike most of the hurricane news coverage on TV — would have been worth watching.