The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

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September 5, 2008

Mike Pound: Big-time media folks vs. the normal people

By Mike Pound

Globe columnist

mpound@joplinglobe.com

Well, the conventions are finally over.

Now the big-time media folks should put away their hair spray, their “smart glasses” and their official “serious journalists” suits and go back to doing what they do best: chasing hurricanes.

Instead, I’m pretty sure what the big-time media folks will do is spend the next few weeks scurrying across Alaska (Motto: You want to come here?) talking to anybody who has had some contact with Sarah Palin. And let’s face it, in a state with a population of 274 people, that probably won’t be to hard to do.

“Wolf, I’m standing here with Gabner Johnson. Mr. Johnson ...”

“Call me Gab.”

“OK, Gab. Now tell me, you once shot a moose that Sarah Palin also shot at. What can you tell us about her?”

“Well, she was a big ol’ thing. Weighed about 400 pounds, I’d say.”

“I mean, what can you tell us about Sarah Palin?”

“Oh. She was OK, I guess.”

“There you have it, Wolf. Folks in Alaska (Motto: Seriously. You want to come here?) think Sarah Palin is OK.”

I think the big-time media folks have mixed emotions about the whole Sarah Palin thing. On one hand, John McCain’s choice of a running mate has given them something to talk about, but on the other hand, they have to go to Alaska (Motto: Really, I mean, why would you want to come here?) to talk about whatever it is they will talk about.

The one thing that the big-time media folks agree on is that it’s too early to say exactly what impact Sarah Palin will have on the presidential race.

“Wolf, it’s too early to say what impact Sarah Palin will have on the presidential race.”

“When will you be able to say what impact Sarah Palin will have on the presidential race?”

“Monday. Wednesday at the latest.”

Now people who aren’t big-time media folks — and by that I mean normal people — figure that the election will pretty much be the final say on what impact Sarah Palin will have on the presidential race. Normal people will figure that, since the election is two months away, it’s probably a little early, and a tad silly, for big-time media folks to be making goofy predictions about the election that will only serve to make them look even goofier after the election.

It’s not that normal people don’t want big-time media folks to talk about the election, it’s that they want them to talk about election issues. They don’t really want to talk about Barack Obama’s bowling abilities or Sarah Palin’s glasses, or Joe Biden’s hair plugs or the fact that John McCain’s Social Security Number is 4.

Normal folks would prefer that the big-time media folks instead talk about things like Barack Obama’s thoughts on the economy, or John McCain’s ideas on Social Security (by the way, John’s Social Security Number really isn’t 4. It’s 17.)

I think normal folks would like to hear the big-time media folks talk about what Joe Biden thinks about Iran, or what Sarah Palin thinks about the environment. That’s what normal folks want to hear the big-time media folks talk about.

All that other stuff? That unimportant, petty stuff? Well, they should leave that stuff for shallow, uninformed goofballs. You know, guys like me.

I promise you that there is no piece of election gossip too trivial, too unsubstantiated, too unimportant or too offensive for me. I will track down those trivial, unsubstantiated, unimportant and offensive bits of information and deliver them to you in order to make you a more informed voter.

Don’t thank me, it’s what I do.

That way the big-time media folks can leave Alaska (Motto: I mean, we’re Alaska. Why would you want to come here?) and go do what they do best.

Assuming, of course, we get some more hurricanes.

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