The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

May 6, 2013

Mike Pound: There’s a golden rule to moving

I spent part of the other day moving.

Well, I didn’t actually move. It just felt like I was moving. What I did, along with my friend Brian, was move our living room furniture into our garage. Brian, who started out a few years ago as our contractor and is now almost a member of our family, is preparing to do some major remodeling of our living room. The reason Brian has become almost a member of our family is that my wife’s list of remodeling projects is sort of like the list Congress has of things to screw up.

It never ends, is what I’m saying.

Moving the furniture reminded me of my younger days, when at least four or five times a year, I would either have to move myself or I would have to help someone else move.

When I was younger I worked in broadcasting, and when you’re young and working in broadcasting, you find yourself moving a lot. Most of the time you moved because you got hired, got fired or needed to relocate. Other times you moved because you wanted to get out of one lousy apartment and into a slightly less lousy apartment.

When you’re young and working in broadcasting, you or someone you know is always moving. To protect yourself, you always offer to help someone else move because you know that sooner or later, you are going to need someone to help you move. It is the Golden Rule of Moving.

Next to that “who, what, when, where and why” thing, the Golden Rule of Moving was the most important broadcast rule you could learn.

In those days, one of the keys to any successful move was for the person who was moving to have his or her stuff already packed in boxes so all the volunteers had to do was move the boxes.

The worst thing any volunteer mover wanted to see when entering the home was a pile of clothes, books, dishes, games, records, audio cassettes (this was a long time ago) and an assorted array of junk sitting on the floor.

“I’ll have this boxed up in a minute,” the person to be moved would say. And all of the volunteers would say bad words because they knew that “I’ll have this boxed up in a minute” was the second most repeated lie in broadcasting, right after “Trust me.”

Another key to a successful move in those days was knowing the proper use of beer. Used correctly, beer could turn any moving day into a quick, efficient and pleasant experience. Used incorrectly, beer could turn any moving day into an episode of “Breaking Bad.”

The correct way to use beer on a move is to let all of the volunteer movers know that it will be served, in large quantities, AFTER the move had been completed.

“Yep, once we get that refrigerator and washer and dryer moved and into my new apartment, I’m going to get that keg, and then ... wow, that was fast. OK, I’ll get the keg.”

The incorrect use of beer is to say, “Well, we’re about halfway done. Let’s stop for lunch. I’ll go get some pizza and some beer, and later we can knock out the rest of this move.”

If you do that, something probably will get knocked out all right, but it won’t be the rest of the move. A wall might get knocked out, a tooth might get knocked out or a volunteer mover might get knocked out, but the rest of the move is definitely not going to get knocked out.

I’m no longer young and I no longer work in broadcasting, so moving furniture from our living room into our garage is the closest I’m likely to get to moving. I hope.

But I know that someday, if I do have to move again, I have a long list of people who will be glad to help me.

They have to: It’s the Golden Rule of Moving.

DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

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