I didn’t have a cheeseburger.
When I walked into Instant Karma Gourmet Hot Dogs at 527 S. Main St. on Tuesday with my wife and our 14-year-old daughter, Emma, I was determined to have a hot dog. We have eaten at Instant Karma several times, and I have never ordered a hot dog. Since the words “Gourmet Hot Dogs” appear in the restaurant’s name, I’ve always figured that not ordering a hot dog was sort of wrong.
But every time I consider ordering a hot dog, I see a cheeseburger on the menu that catches my eye, and I wind up going with the burger. On Tuesday, I was determined that I would not succumb to the cheeseburger temptation. But then I saw one of the daily specials written on the sign just outside the entrance of the restaurant. The special that caught my eye was something called a grass-fed burger.
So much for the hot dog.
I’m not sure if I have ever had a grass-fed burger. To be honest, I don’t remember ever ordering a burger based on what the cow has eaten. To be honest, I naturally assumed that all cows at some point in their lives have eaten grass. I mean, that’s pretty much all I see them doing whenever I drive by a field full of cows.
First cow: What do you want to do?
Second cow: I don’t know. What do you want to do?
First cow: (Long pause.) Want to eat some grass?
Second cow: Sounds good. Let’s get mooooving.
(For the record, that was the fourth livestock-related pun I’ve typed since last Friday. I apologize.)
I am assuming that the cow that donated the burger was fed only grass. Regardless, I was intrigued with the special, so I ordered the grass-fed burger.
But I didn’t get a cheeseburger. I was so intrigued by the idea of a grass-fed burger that I forgot to ask for cheese. It’s probably just as well because I might have been forced to ask if the cheese was also grass-fed.
My wife did order a hot dog. Her dog came with avocado and a bunch of other stuff. My wife said her hot dog was excellent, and it did look good. I like avocados, but I don’t understand them. My wife said the avocado was very good on her hot dog, and that’s all that matters.
Emma ordered what I think is the most creative burger I’ve ever seen. It’s called the Paradise Burger, and it is served on a doughnut and covered with powdered sugar.
Is that great or what?
Emma loves the Paradise Burger. To Emma, the combination of pastry and beef is a thing of genius. When I look at the Paradise Burger, I try to imagine explaining to my doctor why I ate one.
Still, the Paradise Burger looks to be an amazing burger.
My wife asked me if I wanted a bite of her avocado hot dog. My wife always does that. As soon as her food arrives, she turns to me and asks if I want a bite of whatever she ordered. I know my wife is just being nice, but I always tell my wife that I would rather have a bite of what I ordered.
And that’s what I did Tuesday when the nice woman put my grass-fed burger in front of me. I declined my wife’s offer and instead put some mustard on my cheeseless grass-fed burger and took a bite.
It was an excellent burger, even without the cheese. It was moist and full of flavor. It was darn near perfect, is what it was.
It was so good, in fact, that I was almost mooooved to tears.
DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.
I didn’t have a cheeseburger.
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