The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

July 25, 2013

Mike Pound: Welcome to the world, Prince George of Cambridge

I suppose it could have been worse.

It’s bad enough that the royal baby has to go through life lugging around four names, but think what would have happened if his parents had dropped his real last name on him. Instead of having to write George Alexander Louis of Cambridge on a math test, the kid could have had to write George Alexander Louis Mountbatten-Windsor. All the other kids in his class would have turned in their tests while he was still trying to spell Mountbatten.

Last names in the royal family are pretty much like husbands in the Kardashian family. They tend to come and go and, for the most part, serve no discernible purpose. Most of the time, members of the royal family name themselves after the house they happen to live in. In the U.S., it would be like a guy named Bubba calling himself “Bubba Cooter Double-Wide at the End of the Dirt Road.”

The thing is, no one in the United Kingdom seems to care what members of the royal family call themselves, and I guess I can see that. I mean, it’s not as if they’re going anywhere. If you get stuck with a check from a Wales, it’s still probably going to cash. Assuming, of course, that you got two forms of ID before accepting the check.

Officially, the royal baby has been given Cambridge as his last name and will be known as “His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge,” which will make for a heck of a monogram. And I don’t even want to think how hard it will be for Kate to write his name on his stuff before he goes off to camp.

Like just about everything else surrounding the royal baby, the choosing of his name was a pretty big deal. In fact, British bookmakers were even laying odds on which name would be chosen. Most bookmakers were thinking George would be chosen, while some others thought the baby would be called Seabiscuit and would win by three lengths.

Evidently, some British bookmakers were a bit confused.

According to an Associated Press story that ran in this paper on Thursday, the royal baby seems, so far, to have a pretty good working relationship with the media.

Here’s what the AP wrote: “The baby slept through his first photo op Tuesday outside London’s St. Mary’s Hospital, while his parents beamed as they chatted with reporters.”

Oddly enough, that’s exactly what Joe Biden does.

The fact that the AP is already worried about the royal baby’s relationship with the media barely 48 hours into his life tells you what sort of life the poor kid is going to have to lead.

While, on one hand, Prince George will never have to wait in line at an airport, he probably won’t be able to do a belly flop into a hotel swimming pool after spending 15 minutes on the receiving end of a beer bong.

That’s because, unless Uncle Harry decides to go all Richard III on him, George will eventually become the king of England. Granted, being the king of England isn’t like being a judge on “American Idol,” but it’s still a pretty big deal, and George’s parents aren’t going to want him embarrassing the royal family name, whatever that might be.

Now, if George has a younger brother, that kid will get to do whatever the heck he wants. Brothers to heirs to the throne are pretty much like lieutenant governors in the United States. You have to give them something to do and pay them a salary, but beyond that, you couldn’t care less what they do. As proof, I have two words for you: Peter Kinder.

As names go, I suppose George is OK enough, but I do worry that the little guy will get teased a bit when he goes off to prep school. You know, with that whole “Georgie Porgie” thing. But hopefully the teasing will ease a bit after the first kid to make fun of the prince is beheaded.

So, congratulations William and Kate, and welcome to the world, your Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge. But seriously, keep an eye on Harry.

DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

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