I am doing two things at once, and so far things are all right.
If you are a young person, doing two things at once is no big deal. Actually, if you are a young person, doing two things at once is what doing one thing at once used to be for old people. Young people normally do five or six things at once.
The other day, our 16-year-old daughter, Emma, said she was going up to her room to study. A while later, when I checked on her, Emma was sitting on her bed. She was reading a schoolbook with the TV on. She also was searching for something on her computer while texting on her cellphone.
“I thought you were studying,” I said.
“I am,” Emma said.
“I see,” I said, although from what I could see, Emma wasn’t studying.
The two things I am doing right now are writing this column and watching the St. Louis Cardinals play the Cincinnati Reds on opening day.
To be honest, it’s sort of a stretch to say that I’m watching the Cardinals play the Reds. What I’m doing is listening to the game while I type, and if something interesting happens, I look over at the TV screen.
Once I tried watching a baseball game while I typed, but most of my sentences read like this: “Ue39kmr,. Oo4t.”
So I don’t do that anymore.
And if you factor in the commercials, which I completely ignore, I think it’s fair to say that I actually spend more time writing my column than I do watching baseball.
I think that says a lot about my nose-to-the-grindstone work ethic.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about an effort by Anheuser-Busch and Hall of Fame Cardinals shortstop Ozzie Smith to make baseball’s opening day a national holiday. I’m not sure how that project turned out, but the fact that I’m working on Monday tells me opening day is not a national holiday.
It’s probably just as well. If opening day were declared a national holiday, we would have to buy opening day greeting cards, and my wife would insist on having an opening day party complete with baseball-themed decorations and foods.
As far as I’m concerned, the quickest way to ruin something is to junk it up with greeting cards and decorations.
So opening day is not a national holiday, and I’m writing this column while watching the Cardinals play at the same time. It’s a tough job, but I figure someone has to do it so it might as well be me.
This year, all the baseball “experts” are predicting that the Cardinals are going to be very good, which of course makes me nervous. I’m nervous for a number of reasons. The first reason I’m nervous is because I have found that most of the baseball experts who predict things are morons. If you really are a baseball expert, you know that only morons try to predict which teams are going to do well. The best years for the Cardinals have come when all the experts predicted the Cardinals were going to suck.
Besides, I think it’s bad luck to go into any sort of competition confident that your team is going to do well. For example, I was confident going into the NCAA basketball tournament that the Kansas Jayhawks were going to do well.
So how did that work out for me?
... I’m sorry ... I had to stop writing for a few minutes while I watched a replay of Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina throwing out a runner at second base, but now I’m back.
... Whoops, Matt Adams just hit a double, so I have to stop again. I’ll be right back. ...
There, I’m back again. Whew, this doing two things at once is harder than it looks. But if that’s what it takes to welcome the start of another baseball season, that’s what I will do.
It’s that nose-to-the-grindstone work ethic of mine.
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