I have made of point of trying not to be a food snob.
I’m one of those folks who enjoys food for food’s sake, but there are times when a steady diet of anything can drive a person to swear off certain foods and at our house we have sworn off fast-food for at least a week, which is not easy to do considering the fact that we have a busy teenage daughter.
I know there are some people out there who say that subjecting children to fast-food is a terrible thing. I know there are some people out there who say that children should come home to a healthy, hearty, home-cooked meal every night.
But some people don’t have children. If they had children they wouldn’t have time to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t do.
At least that’s my opinion.
On Saturday, our 14-year-old daughter Emma had an all-day (and half the night) volleyball tournament in Joplin and then, on Sunday, Emma had an all-day (and half the night) dance competition in Kansas City.
I know!
I don’t want you to think that I wasn’t looking forward to the weekend but on Friday, when I woke up, I said, “Oh ^%$#, it’s Friday.” I’m pretty sure that was the first time in my life that I have ever said, “Oh ^%$#, it’s Friday.”
To get Emma to her volleyball tournament on Saturday my wife and I had to wake up at 6 a.m. When the alarm clock went off I went downstairs and made a heaping plate of scrambled eggs and homemade muffins. Then I gently woke Emma and served her breakfast.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH, sometimes I kill myself.
What actually happened is that my wife’s alarm clocks went off at 6 a.m. and she hit the snooze until 6:45 when she looked at the clock and yelled, “WE’RE LATE! GET UP MIKE! GET UP EMMA!”
And then the three of us ran around the house yelling at each other and somehow we all piled into the car five minutes before we were supposed to be in Joplin.
“What about breakfast?” Emma said, as I drove to Joplin.
“We’ll get something later,” my wife said.
So “later” I drove to a fast-food place and purchased three breakfast-related meals. Later, because my fast-food breakfast didn’t quell my appetite, I dined on a $2 concession stand hot dog. Parents of busy teenage kids eat a lot of $2 concession stand hot dogs. This year alone I bet my wife and I have eaten 5,498 $2 concession stand hot dogs.
For lunch, Emma, my wife and I dined on sandwiches from another fast-food place and, later still, before we left for Kansas City, we supped on fast-food cheeseburgers and french fries.
While in Kansas City, my wife, Emma and I decided to take advantage of the local cuisine and dine at an elegant Kansas City steakhouse.
HAHAHAHAHA. Again, I kill myself.
Here’s what we ate in Kansas City: For breakfast, I had a bag of peanuts and two cups of coffee. My wife, because she was helping Emma get ready for her dance, munched on four peanut butter crackers and Emma, who was too nervous to eat, had nothing.
For our Sunday lunch we again chose fast-food burgers and fries and then as we left Kansas City to return home we dined on fast-food sandwiches. Well, my wife and Emma dined on fast-food sandwiches. I had iced tea.
But now we’re off fast-food. When I finish this column I’m going to go home and fix my family a delicious home-cooked meal.
Wait, my phones ringing.
It’s my wife ... turns out that she has a meeting tonight and Emma has dance class.
Good thing I’m not a food snob.
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