Tonight is one of the biggest nights of the year.
It’s a night when all your hopes and dreams may come to pass, a night when you begin planning for your future. It’s a night when you have to ask yourself if you are better off now than you were last winter, a night when Americans of all creeds and colors ask themselves one very important question: Are you ready for some football?
What?
Oh, you thought I was talking about the Democratic National Convention. That stuff is important too, I guess, but tonight millions of guys with way too much time on their hands will get an idea of exactly how their fantasy football teams will fare this year. Tonight, millions of veteran husbands will bid an emotional farewell to their families and make a sacred promise that they will see them again “sometime after the Super Bowl. Or the Pro Bowl, which ever comes last.”
This year the folks in charge of the National Football League have decided to kick off the season on a Wednesday. I don’t know why they picked Wednesday but I also don’t know why they schedule games in London, England.
I’m old enough to remember when the NFL season began on a Sunday. Of course, I’m also old enough to remember the last time the Kansas City Chiefs won a playoff game.
The only thing I can think is that the people in charge of the NFL want to start the season in the middle of the week instead of Sunday so there wouldn’t be any other thing to distract from the first game, including other NFL games. Either that, or the folks in charge of the NFL are morons.
It’s a toss-up, is what it is.
As always, the folks in charge of the NFL have scheduled a few surprises for the first game of the season. This year during halftime, for example, the folks in charge of the NFL will have Clint Eastwood give an imaginary pep talk to an empty bench.
Also, the folks in charge of the NFL have booked some sort of musical talent to perform before the first game. I don’t know who the musical guests are this year but I’m pretty sure I have heard of them. The folks in charge of the NFL like to book musical guests who are — to use a technical term — old.
I may have made this up, but in 1967 the musical guest for the first Super Bowl was John Philip Sousa.
Tonight’s NFL game features the Dallas Cowboys who — as a nice reader recently pointed out — don’t actually play in Dallas, and the New York Giants, who don’t actually play in New York. I know it probably doesn’t make much sense but — really — as I think we have established, little about the NFL makes much sense.
The Giants, as some football fans might remember, last year won Super Bowl XXXXXIIIIIVVVVV.8. And as a reward for being Super Bowl champs the Giants get to play their first game four days earlier than most of the other teams. But hey, at least they’re getting this Sunday off.
The Dallas Cowboys, meanwhile, did not win the Super Bowl last year. Their didn’t even make the playoffs last year. So of course the folks in charge of the NFL thought it would be a good idea to have the Cowboys play in the first game of the season.
Why?
Refer back to my earlier moron remark.
Regardless of what the folks in charge of the NFL do, or why they do it, I and millions of other male-type people will watch the game tonight. As for the Democratic National Convention, well, I’m pretty sure I can catch the highlights on ESPN.
Local News
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