The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

October 15, 2012

Mike Pound: Breakfast ends up taking bite out of billfold

By Mike Pound

— A hankering for breakfast wound up costing me way more than an omelet.

On Saturday, after dropping our 14-year-old daughter, Emma, off at the high school so she could catch the bus that would take her to a debate tournament, I decided I was hungry.

By the way, the debate tournament was Emma’s first. I don’t know much about debate except that whenever Emma and I debate, I lose. Emma was nervous going into the tournament. The only thing she was OK with was the fact that she had to dress up for the event. Emma likes the idea of dressing up. I think Emma and her debate partner did well at the tournament because she brought home a trophy.

Anyway, when I got home, I suggested to my wife that we go out for breakfast, and she agreed. I like breakfast. Normally, after I go out for breakfast I don’t eat for a month. I’m like a camel when it comes to breakfast.

Unfortunately, when my wife and I got to the restaurant where we wanted to eat, we discovered that it was — to use a sardine term — packed. People were standing in line waiting for a table. I don’t like to stand in line waiting to eat, so we decided to try another place, which also was packed. Then I suggested a restaurant in Joplin, and my wife thought a drive to Joplin would be a good thing.

As we neared Joplin, I mentioned to my wife that is was getting closer to lunch than breakfast. I asked my wife if she would rather have breakfast or lunch.

“Whatever,” she said.

Then I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a restaurant where she could get a bloody mary with her meal.

“Yes,” my wife said.

I decided to see if Caldone’s, 218 S. Main St., was open. It was. Caldone’s usually isn’t open on Saturday mornings, but because the Oktoberfest celebration was going on downtown, it was open on this Saturday. My wife and I had the pizza and pasta buffet, and my wife had a bloody mary. We decided that stopping at Caldone’s was a good idea.

As we walked back to our car, my wife asked me if I wanted to stop at a local furniture store and look at a chair for our bedroom.

“(BAD WORD),” I said.

My wife does this all the time. No matter where we go or what we do, my wife always manages to pull out of the air an additional stop that has to be made. I told my wife that I didn’t want to stop and look at a chair for our bedroom. I told my wife that what I wanted was to get home so I could watch the rest of the Kansas State-Iowa State football game. I told my wife that there was no way I was going to ruin my Saturday by stopping at a furniture store to look at a chair.

When we got to the furniture store, my wife led me to the chair. The chair in question was one my wife and Emma looked at a couple of weeks ago. Because of that chair, I had to move the chair that used to be in our bedroom down to our family room so my wife could decide if she liked it there.

I guess she did like it there because that chair is still in our family room and I was looking at a replacement bedroom chair.

“Do you like it?” my wife said.

“Sure,” I said.

“Are you sure?” my wife said.

“Sure,” I said.

“I don’t know,” my wife said.

Being hungry on Saturday morning cost me a new chair, but at least I got to watch the second half of the football game.

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