The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

Local News

July 11, 2013

Mike Pound: Obama’s latest scandal? Broccoligate

Enough is enough.

He has done a lot of things in the past five years or so, but this time President Obama has gone too far.

Forget about trying to turn us all into socialists or communists or fascists or any of those other “ists.” Forget about that whole embassy attack stuff, the IRS flap, the spying, the targeting of reporters.

That stuff is just child’s play.

Now, we finally have something to nail Obama with. Now, we can dust off those “Impeach Clinton” bumper stickers and — to save money — cross out “Clinton” and write in Obama. (Although, to be safe we might want to leave some of the “Impeach Clinton” bumper stickers in case Hillary gets elected in 2016.)

So what has our president done to warrant impeachment?

He told a group of children journalists that his favorite food is broccoli.

I know!

First, in response to those of you who are thinking, “But Mike, isn’t the term ‘children journalists’ redundant?” I have to say, “Yes it is.”

Second, most right-thinking Americans are thinking: “Broccoli? Are you kidding me?”

That’s what I think, too!

Many, many years ago — long before I met my current wife — I was watching a football game on TV with a girl I was dating.

Before I go any further I need to say that, once again, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Uh, Mike, did you really mean to refer to your wife as your ‘current wife?’ Won’t that get you into trouble?”

All I can say is, “Holy (bad word), did I do that? What was I thinking? What I meant to say was ‘my one and only wife.’”

But back to my story. About an hour into the football game this girl said she was going to the grocery store and asked if I wanted her to pick up some snack food. I said that I did.

About 30 minutes later, the girl came back from the store.

“Look,” she said excitedly. “I got us some French dip, some cauliflower and some broccoli to snack on.”

I never saw her again.

Bad as it was, saying that broccoli was his favorite food wasn’t the worst thing Obama did. The worst thing he did was to say it in front of children. Who does that?

Parents don’t even tell their own kids that broccoli is their favorite food. When my parents wanted us to eat our vegetables, they said, “Eat your vegetables. They’re good for you.”

They didn’t say: “Eat your vegetables. They’re good.”

They said they were “good for you.”

My parents may have told us at one time or another that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were real, but they never said that broccoli was their favorite food because they knew there were some things even we wouldn’t buy.

But what happens if today’s kids do buy the possibility that the president’s favorite food is broccoli? What happens if a whole generation of kids grow up thinking that broccoli is their favorite food, too?

I’ll tell you what happens: We get a whole generation of skinny, mineral water drinking, latte sipping, NPR listening people who wear tights and take yoga classes. And what if some of those people join our military?

I’ll tell you what happens: We become Europe. Why, even the French will be able to kick our Limbaughs.

Right now, our Congress Creatures are busy writing bills that will never become law. But I’m sure when they are through with the important business of not getting anything done they will begin holding hearings on “Broccoligate.”

But don’t do it for me, Congress Creatures.

Do it for our children.

Do you have an idea for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.

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