Yet another round of Oscar nominations has arrived, and once again voters snubbed the greatest movie of all time: “Fletch.”
My wife loves the movie “Fletch” so much that whenever I suggest we watch it again, she says, “Oh, let’s not. I don’t want to watch it so many times that we wear it out.”
My wife is nice like that.
Once again the folks who vote on the Oscars nominated a slew of movies that I haven’t seen for best picture.
By the way, the next time you hear someone say “a slew,” ask him: “A what?”
When he says “a slew,” say “a what?” again. When he says “a slew” again, say “Gesundheit!”
Then run.
One person in our family has seen a movie nominated for best picture. Last weekend, our 14-year-old daughter, Emma, saw “Les Miserables,” which is French for “The Republicans.”
Ha. That’s just a joke.
When I first heard that Emma was going to see “Les Miserables,” I asked her why she wanted to see a movie about a depressed guy name Les.
Emma gave me a teenager look. It’s the same look people get on their face when they discover gum on the bottom of their shoe.
Actually, “Les Miserables” is a movie about a bunch of French people back in the old French days. As I understand it, the French people spent their time walking around being poor, singing and dying.
It’s not exactly a Mel Brooks film.
Emma doesn’t like it when I make fun of “Les Miserables.” Emma told me that “Les Miserables” is a “life-changing movie.” I told Emma that she is 14 and that her life will probably change at least 10 times before she gets out of high school.
Emma gave me that look again.
Emma went to see “Les Miserables” with several of her friends. She was the only one in the group who was seeing the movie for the first time. Emma’s friend Anne has seen “Les Miserables” three times.
Apparently “Les Miserables” is big with teenage girls.
Now that Emma has seen “Les Miserables,” she walks around singing along to songs from the movie. It’s sort of irritating because Emma likes to sing loudly to these songs. She likes to sing in her exaggerated Broadway musical voice. Emma thinks her exaggerated Broadway musical voice is funny.
The other day, I asked Emma why she liked “Les Miserables” so much.
“Because,” Emma said.
“Isn’t it sad?” I asked.
“Yes,” Emma said.
“Doesn’t the Anne Hathaway character die?” I asked.
“Yes,” Emma said.
“And that Hugh Hefner guy?” I asked.
“Jackman,” Emma said. “And yes.”
“So why do you like it?” I asked.
“Because,” Emma said.
“I see,” I said, even though, as usual, I didn’t see.
During the Christmas break, my wife, Emma and I tried to see a movie together.
I thought it would be nice to see “Lincoln,” even though I know how the movie ended. Emma said “Lincoln” sounded boring. Yet she thinks people singing and dying is “life-changing.” My wife wanted to see the new Billy Crystal movie. I like Billy a lot, but I thought we should try to watch something that had a shot at being nominated for best picture. I asked Emma what movie she wanted to see, and she said, “Whatever you and Mom don’t want to see.”
“I see,” I said. And for once, I did see.
In the end, we wound up not seeing anything, and my record of not seeing any of the movies nominated for best picture still stands.
Of course, all of that could change if they would ever nominate “Fletch” for best picture. By the way, all this movie talk has me in the mood to watch “Fletch” again. I just hope I can find the DVD. My wife moved it for me. She said she wanted to put it somewhere safe.
She’s nice that way.
DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA for Mike Pound’s column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.
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