OKLAHOMA CITY - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Valentine's Day was celebrated in Massachusetts amid fighting over an amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. There's a reason relationships don't last long in Los Angeles. After two years, the nagging starts and they want to know your name.

The Staples Center in Los Angeles hosts the NBA All-Star Game today. Fan favorite Kobe Bryant was elected to start but may not play due to a nagging injury. Eight months ago in Colorado he pulled a Bill Clinton.

A Wyoming federal judge overturned a ban on snowmobiles in Yellowstone and Grand Teton national parks Wednesday. Television networks stayed away from the story. They were afraid any mention of the Grand Tetons on the air might violate the FCC's ban on indecency.

The Academy Awards agreed Wednesday to use a five-second delay on the Oscars telecast in two weeks. It's to prevent any nude flashing. There's no shortage of attention junkies with large breasts in Hollywood, but only Michael Moore's are real.

The Senate held hearings last week to learn how Janet Jackson was able to flash her breast at her Super Bowl performance. No one knew about it ahead of time. President Bush must have ordered the CIA to find out what she had planned for the show.

Justice Antonin Scalia defended his recent duck hunting trip with Dick Cheney in Louisiana. The shooting was poor. The ducks had cleared out just before the hunting party got there, proving that birdbrains have better intelligence than we do.

President Bush warned about nuclear proliferation in a speech Wednesday. He declared it's a global crisis and that it requires a global response from a global organization. The crowd was with him until he referred to Rand McNally as a madman.

President Bush will attend today's Daytona 500 race in Florida with hundreds of thousands of race fans. The total purse is fifteen million dollars. President Bush wanted to be on hand to personally welcome the winner to the Republican Party.

The White House produced dental records from President Bush's National Guard stint in Alabama. It proves he was there. The dentist easily remembered Lieutenant Bush because he was the only patient who ever told him to drill anywhere he likes.

Jane Fonda was pictured with John Kerry on Wednesday in an old photo from an anti-war rally where they both spoke in 1970. It's disastrous. Any link between the candidate and Jane Fonda could cost him his share of the Heinz ketchup fortune.

Judy Woodruff showed CNN viewers an album cover of John Kerry's rock band in the Sixties called The Electras. A lot of leading Democrats played in college bands. This time four years ago, Al Gore was telling crowds he was replaced by Ringo Starr.

The Red Cross complained Wednesday they haven't yet been allowed to see Saddam Hussein. They want to make sure the dictator has the basic necessities. Every four weeks or so Saddam Hussein needs to touch up his hair with Just for Brutal Men.

Haiti erupted in civil war as rebels turned the capital city into a sniper's alley last week. It's nasty. The White House was asked to send troops to Haiti to intervene, but Republicans could never attack the birthplace of voodoo economics.

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