HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

President Bush gave an interview Monday to the London Morning Sun, which uses nudity to increase its popularity. The shortcut won't work. If you want to be as popular as Arnold Schwarzenegger you have to be willing to get your hands dirty.

Sen. Ted Kennedy vowed Monday to block the Medicare prescription drug bill even though it was endorsed by the AARP. This can only hurt the Democratic Party. Free prescription drugs could be their only chance to get Rush Limbaugh off the air.

President Bush met Monday with six American scientists who just won the Nobel Prize. They won in categories of chemistry, physics, medicine and economics. No one knows exactly what they discussed but a hundred bucks says they didn't talk shop.

Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh welcome President Bush and Laura to Buckingham Palace this morning. They all seem like old friends already. Last night they sat around and discussed their mutual experiences raising boy-crazy kids.

London Mayor Ken Livingstone called President Bush the biggest threat to life on earth. He says the president refuses to address the problem of global warming. Any problem that allows Republicans to play golf in January might never be solved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger took the oath as California governor Monday. He placed his hand on the 200-year-old Kennedy Family Bible. This bible has Moses coming down from Mt. Sinai with the Nine Commandments and the Kennedy Family Waiver.

President Bush canceled today's speech to Parliament for fear of heckling by members. It showed sharp survival instincts. He's used to addressing crowds of adoring Puritans and he was about to learn why they left England in the first place.

Hillary Clinton is being urged by advisors to run for president, according to Newsweek. She might fall for it. She thought her husband was making reservations to take her to France after she caught him on the computer looking up Paris Hilton.

Sen. John Kerry fired his campaign manager and announced he's reshaping his message. His new campaign slogan is The Real Deal. Now people come to his rallies just because they think they are going to get a discount on fried chicken.

The Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner in Iowa Saturday night made millions of dollars for the Democratic Party at $2,000 per ticket. Donors were fed beans and barbecue. The Chevron station in Beverly Hills doesn't charge that much for gas.

Al Gore on Tuesday joined the advisory board of Los Angeles-based Falcon Waterfree Technologies. This has to be the perfect job for the former vice president. The company makes waterless urinals and it only makes sense that they would hire a tree.

The White House said U.S. troops won't leave Iraq next June when the country is turned over to Iraqis. They won't say when the troops are leaving. Withdrawal is so difficult for the cowboy president he may have to spend five weeks in de-Tex.

Houston got hit Monday by ferocious rainstorms accompanied by high winds. It caused flooding that overturned cars and damaged buildings. The water was so deep in the suburbs that trophy wives were running over their husbands in cabin cruisers.

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