Fri, Jul 18 2008
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Published May 09, 2008 01:31 pm - Editor’s note: In honor of Mother’s Day, Mike Pound has handed over his Sunday column to his wife. Mike Pound: Wife rates the best of the worst Editor’s note: In honor of Mother’s Day, Mike Pound has handed over his Sunday column to his wife.
“Make good choices, honey!” That’s my favorite line from “Freaky Friday,” when Jamie Lee Curtis drops her daughter, Lindsay Lohan, off at school. We all know that Lindsay, in her off-camera life, hasn’t always made the best choices. She refers to her on-screen mom as a “fun sucker” in the movie. The mom tries to get Lindsay to follow the rules, spend more time studying and less time playing guitar in her garage band. Making good choices is a topic we talk about a lot at our house. We try to tell Emma that she’s judged by those with whom she keeps company, by decisions she makes and things she does. That’s usually when I get told by Emma that I’m a fun sucker. When getting ready to write this year’s Mother’s Day column, Mike suggested that I try to be funny this year when I write his column. So, my choice is to be funny. My favorite story lately about choices is one Emma told me earlier this week. She came home from school on Wednesday. Apparently the tornado sirens went off during the school day and the students were told to take cover. Emma’s choice was to be the first one to dive in the closet for shelter. She said she grabbed her lunch box and put it over her head. While worrying about the tornado, Emma said she looked over at one of her best buddies. Let’s just call her “Livvie.” Livvie was carefully opening her backpack, pulling out her package of fake fingernails and putting them on. Emma said she asked her what she was doing. Livvie calmly told Emma, “It’s probably not a real tornado. And besides, my nails look awful.” So, Livvie’s choice was, if the tornado was going to hit, she was at least going to go out in style. Now, let’s face it. As far as I’m concerned, Mike Pound has made some really bad choices this past year with his columns. You must know that sometimes he embellishes in his columns, but these are unfortunately based on truth. I’ll list them, not in order of preference, but in order of stupidity for having them put in print: No. 4: Running over his wife with her own car — What kind of moron would admit, especially in print, that he almost ran over his wife with her own car? I’ve had some really frightening moments in my life. But seriously, to see your own car backing toward you as you are lying in the gutter of wet leaves with a possibly broken ankle in high-heeled boots, you begin to realize that either: (a) no one can see you and you’re truly going to be run over; or, (b) do these pants make me look fat as I lay here in the gutter? You would think that after realizing that you’ve almost run over the mother of your child with her own car, you would apologize. Right? An apology would be a good choice. A bad choice is to not say anything for a three-hour drive and later be overheard in your sister’s kitchen laughing about almost running over your wife. BAD CHOICE! 
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