Sat, Sep 06 2008
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Published June 27, 2008 02:36 pm - Making matters worse, at least for the cat, was the fact that I didn’t notice that I was burying our cat under a mound of redundant pillows. Mike Pound: The cat vs. the redundant pillows We almost lost one of our cats the other day.
Really, it was partly the cat’s own fault — he tried to sleep on our bed. So, in a sense, he was asking for it but, really, I can’t blame him. First of all, I can’t blame him because he’s a cat and how’s a cat supposed to know that our bed would be a hazardous place to hang out? Second of all, almost losing one of our cats on our bed is really my wife’s fault. Last week, my wife bought a new comforter for our bed. I didn’t really understand why my wife thought we needed a new comforter for our bed but, then again, I don’t understand a lot of things that go on in our house. Apparently, the problem with our old comforter was my wife was “tired of looking at the ugly burgundy.” That’s how my wife and I are different. When it comes to things around I’m house, unlike my wife, I’m colorblind. Seriously, I’m colorblind. My wife is not colorblind, which is why she went out and bought a new comforter for our bed. The new comforter is not burgundy. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I know it’s not burgundy. The problem, at least for my wife, is the new comforter does not match the redundant pillows that we used to keep on our bed. So my wife bought a bunch of new redundant pillows for our bed. Actually, I think the new comforter came with several redundant pillows but my wife decided we needed more redundant pillows. My wife wanted redundancy squared. My wife is a big fan of redundant pillows. We have redundant pillows on the couch in our living room. We have redundant pillows on the chairs in our living room. We have redundant pillows on our love seat. By the way, why do they call it a love seat? About the only thing I can figure is a love seat is so small that in order to share one you have to be in love with the person you’re sitting next to. We even have back-up redundant pillows in case one of the other redundant pillows gets sick. As a result, whenever I want to sit down on a piece of furniture in our house I have to spend 30 minutes removing the redundant pillows because, as my wife explains it, “You can’t sit on the *&%$# pillows, you moron. Those are for looks, they are not to be used.” Whenever my wife says that, I want to ask her how she thinks the redundant pillows would look in the trash, but I don’t. What do you think, I have stupid written all over my face? Normally what I do after my wife warns me away from the pillows is to just give up and sit on the floor. “That’s better” is what my wife then says. I was single for a long time (No, really?) and in all the years I was single I think I only had one pillow. And someone gave me that one. I didn’t know anything about redundant pillows until I got married. I remember, one day shortly after we got married, walking into our living room and saying, “What’s with all the pillows?” I remember my wife looking at me like I had left the toilet seat up (I think we have redundant pillows on that too) and saying, more or less to herself, “Good Lord, what have I done?” Evidently, redundant pillows class up a place. They add color, they add elegance, they add sophistication — in theory. But if your house is like our house, it’s pretty hard to add class, color, elegance and sophistication. The Queen of England couldn’t class up our house. So mainly all the redundant pillows in our house do is irritate me. And the new redundant pillows that go with our the new comforter for our bed really irritate me. Because of all the redundant pillows that go with our new comforter, it takes about an hour to make our bed in the morning. It takes about two minutes to make the bed and 58 minutes to round up all the redundant pillows and put them back on the bed. Because God forbid we accidentally leave the redundant pillows on the bed while we’re sleeping. So when I’m making our bed in the morning, I’m in a pretty bad mood. I tend to grab the redundant pillows and throw them onto our bed, much like the White House tends to grab congressional subpoenas and throw them in the trash. That’s what I was doing the other morning: throwing redundant pillows on our bed. Unfortunately, one of our cats was trying to sleep on our bed at the same time I was throwing redundant pillows on the same bed. For our cat, it was the equivalent of a terrible mining accident. 
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