Mike Pound: Wife's punctuality amazes family

Globe Life

Related Photos

Discussion

March 12, 2010

Anonymous The Joplin Globe Fri Mar 12, 2010, 06:23 PM CST

I’ll admit, I didn’t think she would make it. Neither did our 12-year-old daughter, Emma.

Sometimes my wife will say she can do something that contradicts most generally accepted theories of space-time continuums. Most the time my wife will be wrong.

My wife does not like to be late for things, which is unfortunate because my wife is always late for things. In an effort to disguise her lateness, my wife will take reality and distort it. My wife does this because — quite frankly — she is crazy.

Let’s say my wife is supposed to be in Joplin at 3 p.m. but doesn’t leave our home in Carthage until 2:55 p.m. As she pulls out of our driveway, my wife will call whoever she is supposed to meet at 3 p.m. and say “I will be there in five minutes,” which, again following generally accepted theories of space-time continuums, is clearly impossible.

What this does, as I have pointed out repeatedly, is make my wife late twice for the same appointment.

But sometimes my wife will surprise Emma and me.

On Thursday Emma’s middle school class was going on a field trip. Emma was excited about the field trip.

“Dad, I can’t be late for school Thursday because we’re going on our field trip,” Emma said. I told Emma that she had nothing to worry about.

Thursday morning, Emma came downstairs and saw a plastic bag filled with homemade muffins. My wife baked the muffins the night before. The muffins were to be served at a work-related breakfast meeting my wife was hosting that morning.

Emma doesn’t usually see homemade baked goods in our kitchen, so she did what any 12-year-old kid would do: She walked upstairs and politely asked if she might have one of the muffins.

Ha! Sometimes I kill myself. Nope, what Emma did was open the bag of muffins and eat most of them.

When my wife came down stairs and saw that Emma had eaten nearly all of the muffins, my wife smiled.

“Good morning dear. I’m ever so glad you enjoyed my homemade muffins,” my wife said.

Ha! I tell you, I kill myself.

Nope, what my wife actually did, when she saw that Emma had eaten most of the homemade muffins was to frown and say “HOLY #@%#$, EMMA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THOSE WERE FOR WORK! YOU’RE GROUNDED UNTIL YOU ARE 49!”

Then my wife announced that she was going to the large 24-hour to buy replacement muffins. She also announced she was going to pick up a disposable camera for Emma to take her school field trip.

“Don’t leave until I get back,” my wife said as she rushed out the door.

In order for Emma not to be late, she and I needed to leave our house 15 minutes from the time my wife rushed out the door. The large-24-hour retail store is at least five minutes from our house. That meant my wife had exactly five minutes to walk into the large 24-hour retail store and buy muffins and a disposable camera.

“She’ll never make it,” I told Emma.

Exactly 13.5 minutes later the phone rang.

“I’m four blocks away,” my wife said.

Exactly 1.25 minutes later my wife pulled into our driveway, handed Emma a disposable camera, backed out of our driveway and drove to her work-related meeting.

I’m pretty sure that somewhere Albert Einstein is scratching his head.

Address correspondence to Mike Pound, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, MO 64802, or via e-mail at mpound@joplinglobe.com.

Text Only

Globe Life

Students add vision to collaborative exhibit
In a “secret room” upstairs at Spiva Center for the Arts, an art project began last week that won’t be finished for 18 more days. That’s because it is being created by more than 1,100 artists.

February 6, 2012 1 Photo
Cari Rerat: Pair of graphic novels tell tales of heroism
Witty banter, blood-soaked violence, and old-school sound effects make this one of the most fun graphic novels I’ve read in a long time.

February 6, 2012
Frankie Meyer: Celebrity genealogy hunt makes return to TV
At last, my favorite series is returning for its third season. “Who Do You Think You Are?” is scheduled for 8 p.m. on Fridays.

February 6, 2012
Frankie Meyer: Church minutes can provide details about ancestors
As you compile your family history, you will often learn the name of the church that an ancestor attended. Novice researchers sometimes ignore that type of detail, not realizing that church records can provide details that blast through the brick walls of research.

January 31, 2012
Phyllis Seesengood: Prequel takes Jack Reacher book series back in time
“The Affair,” by Lee Child, is the 16th book in the series of Jack Reacher thrillers and is a prequel to the other books. It takes us back in time to March 1997, where we learn valuable information about Reacher’s background and his reasons for leaving the military.

January 31, 2012
B-easy does it
Chris Watson, a Pittsburg State University graduate and Kansas native, was visiting a local video store when he stumbled across three horror movies he’d either produced, directed, directly written or co-written over the last eight years.

January 31, 2012 3 Photos
Book highlights opposites in animal kingdom
Even in science opposite attract. It’s the opposite ends of a magnet that attract. Don’t try to connect the south poles on two magnets, because it’s not going to work. Opposites attract.

January 23, 2012
Cemetery research can yield details about family
Through cemetery research, family history researchers can learn details such as names of spouses and children, military service, hobbies and religious preference, as well as the date and location of birth, marriages and death.

January 23, 2012
Art class helps kids deal with feelings from tornado
And while this innovative program received national attention -- thanks to the Joplin-based episode of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on Jan. 13 -- Bourne’s mobile arts center, dedicated to the growth and healing of children through art, had been up and running long before the EF-5 tornado suddenly spiraled out of the clouds.

January 23, 2012 1 Photo
Danya Walker: Non-fiction work examines history’s infamous mistresses
Many times, the cover and title of a book promises a much more risque read than is actually delivered. “Mistresses: A History of the Other Woman” by Elizabeth Abbott is one such book.

January 16, 2012
More Globe Life Headlines

Water company cites reconnections

Globe Life

Search Results

Related Photos

Discussion

Mike Pound: Wife's punctuality amazes family

Joplin City Manager Mark Rohr wants the city to distribute weather radios to all Joplin homes that don’t have one. That’s 11,000 radios. Do you think that’s a good use of $300,440?

Joplin City Manager Mark Rohr wants the city to distribute weather radios to all Joplin homes that don’t have one. That’s 11,000 radios. Do you think that’s a good use of $300,440?

Site Map

Contact Us