By Mike Pound
Globe Columnist
JOPLIN, Mo. —
There is a reason most sporting events don’t start before noon and I can sum up that reason in three words: Because. That’s why.
You know how some coaches, when warning their players not to stay out too late, like to say “Nothing good happens after midnight”? Well, I would add “Nothing good happens before noon either,” to that statement.
Let’s review a typical Monday. Your alarm clock goes off at 6:30 a.m. You get up, take a shower, grab something unhealthy to eat, gulp down a cup of coffee and get to work before 9 a.m.
Anything good happen there? I rest my case.
Earlier in the week a professional golfer by the name of Jim Furyk was disqualified from something called “The Barclays” because he overslept and missed his 7:30 a.m. tee time.
When I read that I had a few questions.
Question No. 1: Is it just me, or is Jim missing a couple of vowels in his last name?
Question No. 2: What’s a Barclay and what does it have to do with golf?
Question No. 3: Are you kidding me? 7:30 in the morning? Who plays golf at 7:30 in the morning?
And, more importantly, who watches golf at 7:30 in the morning? If you find yourself watching golf at 7:30 in the morning, it’s time to re-examine your life.
But that’s just me.
I’ve been thinking about all of this since our 12-year-old daughter came home from junior high school this week and informed me that her volleyball team would be practicing at 6 a.m.
“Well good luck with that,” I said.
When I was a kid, it was pretty much my responsibility to get myself to my sports practices.
“Mommmmmmmmm,” Emma said when I wished her luck getting to her 6 a.m. practices.
Turns out, nowadays, it’s not enough to wish your child good luck getting to a 6 a.m. volleyball practice. Nowadays, at least one parent must get up and drive their child to the 6 a.m. volleyball practice and my wife pointed out that since she handles all of Emma’s dance details I should be the one to handle her sports details.
I pointed out, in rebuttal, that I actually take Emma to dance and pick her up more often than my wife does.
“That’s besides the point,” my wife said even though, to my way of thinking, it was precisely the point.
On Wednesday morning I was awakened at 5:30 to the sound of Emma’s alarm.
“Are you up?” my wife asked.
“Yes but it’s awful ear--” I started to say, but before I could finish my sentence my wife went back to sleep.
I walked downstairs to our kitchen. Emma was standing by the door with her volleyball bag and book bag in her arms.
“Hurry. I don’t want to be late,” Emma said.
“Good morning,” I said.
Emma and I walked outside and got into the car.
“Wow, it’s dark,” Emma said.
I told Emma that’s the way things look when you get up before the sun does.
“Interesting,” Emma said.
I drove Emma to the junior high, she got out of the car and joined the rest of her teammates waiting for their coach to open the door. When the door opened, Emma turned, waved at me and went inside the gym and I drove home.
When I got home I turned on the TV. For some reason someone on ESPN was playing golf. I thought about watching golf. But instead I turned the TV off and went back to bed.
I have a life, you know.
Address correspondence to Mike Pound, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, MO 64802, or via e-mail at mpound@joplinglobe.com.
