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February 23, 2007

Anne Kettenbrink: TiVo relationship blooms

I was just minding my own business one day when I found him. The man of my dreams.

He’s quiet and handsome, has expensive tastes and always wants to stay in.

His name is TiVo.

I have had a TiVo for only three months, after I saw they were free after a hefty rebate (which finally came in the mail the other day).

In my last relationship, it was a hassle to find tapes and remember what was on which tape and what part of the tape it was on. Mostly, VCR and I had communication trouble. I assumed he was going to tape something, so I wouldn’t remind him about it, and then he forgot. Unless he was going to record over something I wanted to keep. Then, he went right ahead and did it.

Not to mention that I needed two VCRs in order to be fulfilled. Try working at night while everyone else is at home watching “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Gilmore Girls” and then coming home when it’s so late, the only thing to do is go to Wal-Mart. Memorizing commercials for “Girls Gone Wild” is not one of my life’s ambitions, so you can see why it was comforting to come home to the open arms of my VCRs and watch things I was actually interested in.

I liked my VCRs just fine, but when I thought about it, it was difficult to juggle them both, and our relationships were going downhill fast.

And so my relationship with TiVo began.

When I first met TiVo, it was a little nerve-wracking. I didn’t want to do anything wrong because I wanted TiVo to like me. I made sure to do the things that TiVo wanted me to do, like read the directions and be patient while he booted up.

Then came the small talk.

TiVo wanted to know a little about me. He wanted to know what my favorite channels were, and I told him what shows I never wanted to miss. Over dinner (no, really, I was eating dinner on the bedroom floor in front of the TV), I shared my likes and dislikes with TiVo, and I learned what made TiVo tick.

At the end of the night, I decided I liked TiVo.

On our second date, TiVo had prepared an array of shows he thought I might possibly like. He didn’t really know my tastes, so it was pretty random. That’s OK, it’s the thought that counts.

It didn’t take TiVo long to figure out I like crime dramas and science shows. I would record “Law & Order” and “CSI,” and TiVo would suggest a true crime show on CNBC. TiVo is all about broadening your horizons.

Then came the comedies. TiVo was constantly trying to draw me in with his offers of “Seinfeld” and “Friends.” TiVo didn’t understand that there are only so many hours in a day, and I couldn’t spend them all with him. I have a life, TiVo, stop harassing me!

After spending a couple months with me, TiVo has managed to peel back a few more layers of my intricate being. I was quite impressed last week to find he had finally noticed that I like sports, and he wanted to watch SportsCenter. And then he wanted to watch PGA Golf.

Golf, TiVo? Really? You must have been tuning out when I was talking. Just like a man.

While TiVo is still faithfully doing what I told him to do, recording my favorite shows, he’s also expanded my horizons by introducing me to new shows and deepening my interest in things I’d only dabbled in before (the History Channel is way cool, dude).

The thing is, I think TiVo might be cheating on me. Yesterday, he thought I wanted to watch “AgDay” (farming and agriculture news).

He obviously has me confused with one of his other girlfriends.

Maybe he’s not the man I thought he was. Maybe my VCRs will take me back.



Address correspondence to Anne E. Kettenbrink, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, Mo. 64802, or via e-mail, akettenbrink@joplinglobe.com.

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