It’s milestone time again at our house.
Most veteran married folks will tell you that life after marriage is one long series of milestone after milestone.
First, you get married. That’s milestone No.1. Then, if you’re like me, you finally grow to accept the fact that the person you married is pretty much always going to be hanging around.
For me, that milestone occurred about two months after my wife and I were married. It was a Sunday afternoon. Because this was in the early 1990s, I was watching the Kansas City Chiefs win a football game (remember what that was like?) when my wife walked into the room.
“Can I ask you a question?” I said as my wife entered the room.
“Sure,” my wife said.
“Why are you still here?” I asked.
That’s when I discovered that being married means having to live with someone pretty much all the time. Unless, of course, you’re Tiger Woods.
(By the way, once again I have fulfilled my Humor Columnist of America-mandated quota of making at least one Tiger Wood reference a week.)
As our marriage continued, my wife and I made our way through a series of milestones. The milestone of our first major fight. The milestone of our first exchange of gunfire. Ha.
Later, after the birth of our now 11-year-old daughter, Emma, my wife and I went through a series of Emma milestones. The first tooth. The first step. The first heavyweight title. No, wait those are former boxing great Michael Spinks’ milestones.
Last weekend, we celebrated what Emma considered to be a major milestone. We let Emma stay at home by herself while we made a quick run to the large 24-hour retail store in our town.
I know!
I have six brothers and sisters. When I was a kid my parents used to leave us home alone all the time. What they were hoping, I think, is that while they were gone at least one of us would run away.
The reason we needed Emma to stay home alone is my wife needed to pick up a few Emma-related Christmas items. My wife asked me if I thought Emma could handle staying home alone for about 30 minutes.
“Ask her,” I said. So she did.
Wife: Emma, would you be OK if we left you home for —
Emma: Yes.
Clearly, Emma was OK with being left alone. So, after making sure the doors were locked and that Emma had her cell phone and we had our cell phones, my wife and I walked out to the car. On the way to the car, my wife panicked.
“What if Emma peeks in my closet and finds her Christmas presents?” my wife asked. Then, before I could say anything, my wife rushed back inside and rehid Emma’s Christmas presents.
We worried a bit while we shopped at the large 24-hour retail store. We worried that Emma would be OK. We worried that the idea of being alone in the house would not be the same as the reality of being alone in the house. We worried if Emma might get scared. We worried if she might burn the house down. We worried that she might let Nancy Grace inside the house.
We were wrong to worry. Emma had a great time. She loved being alone in the house.
“When you’re alone in the house, you can sing as loud as you want and not get in trouble,” Emma told us when we got home.
So now my wife and I are looking forward to that next major milestone. And whatever that milestone might be, my wife and I figure we can handle it.
As long as it doesn’t involve Tiger
